BURN NOTICE!!

I found a website online that was a casting agency for the TV show Burn Notice. Burn Notice has a couple of things going for it that I love, the biggest one being Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead fame. I've been a fan of his since I saw the first Evil Dead film when I was 14.


Handsome.

So, I uploaded my headshot, put in my info, and waited. 2 days later I received an e-mail from the casting department, asking me if I was available on a Wednesday. I said yes, though I do have a day job and was not sure if I could get the day off. I tried to come up with an excuse...dr's appt, sickness, family emergency...finally deciding on the good old fashioned truth. My boss told me to go for it, and asked if he could come with. Unfortunately, that couldn't happen, but I felt a lot better knowing that I was upfront and honest instead of being a lying liar face.

I get an e-mail telling me to bring office casual clothing. I rushed to NY&CO to purchase appropriate clothing, as my entire work wardrobe is comprised of white, grays and black, all of which were no-nos. I couldn't sleep, and woke at 5:15 with an energy that has never been seen in me at that early hour. I hopped in the Mini and jetted down to Key Biscayne, where the shoot was to be held. I arrived early, and sat around watching the other extras come into the craft services area. They were from all walks of life. Old, young, attractive, not...a plethora of personalities.

The queen-tastic wardrobe guy tisked at my selections, lambasting me for bringing clothing that the casting agency specifically told us to bring. The other extras piped up, letting him know in no uncertain terms that we were a team here, and that it was all for one. After changing into casual gear for an outdoor scene we would be shooting, we were told to grab our stuff and get on the bus, as we were heading to the set. Little did I know, my life was about to change, forever.

All right, it didn't change forever. I had a fantastic time shooting on Burn Notice, ending up walking as a background actor right next to Jeffrey Donavan and Bruce Campbell. I tittered a little as I was handed a coffee cup to carry along with an expired parking ticket as props. One of my pet peeves is when actors in films carry coffee cups as if they are batons. I concentrated all my efforts on being the best coffee cup carrier in Tinseltown. I created a backstory for my character, walking with cops and discussing how they could help me pay off the ticket. One guy I walked with became my fictional boyfriend, and I had received the ticket while parking at his house, so he should be the one paying for it. Fun, fun times. A couple novice background actors were almost run over by Michael's black Dodge Charger. It was hilarious.

In an office scene with Sharon Gless and Gabrielle Anwar, I was told to sit in a chair behind the two ladies and pretend to be filling out an employment application. I filled it out, all right. The applicant was IP Freely. She used to be a hooker, but had to quit due to health reasons. Her references were Madonna, Beelzebub, and her mom. All very fun, at least for me. After a couple of seconds, I was to stand up and go and use the restroom, walking behind the two lead actresses. I kindly asked the lady next to me (in mime, of course) to watch my stuff while I went. It was awesome. The director, Jonathan Frakes of Star Trek fame, used my leg as a frame for a wide shot. Neat.

At the end of the day, I was smelly, sunburnt, and exhausted. I was $100 richer, and I had been within 3 feet of my most favorite actor of all time. I watched his process, and even locked eyes with him momentarily as I awaited the call of "background." It was a day that will forever be burnt into my memory.

Life is ridiculously funny.

It's been a strange couple of months. I've been on some dates and gotten booked to speak at a comic book convention, and gotten into some hijinks and shenanigans. This blog will be a free for all to really detail some of the things that are going on in the Guarded Area.

The dating front. It is hard out there, people! The moment you feel a connection with someone, a shinier minnow comes their way and they are gone. It's good that people are so ADD because if genuine affection was actually created, there would be tons more heartache than there currently has been/is in my life. I have a date lined up this weekend. I planned it. We're going putt putt golfing. I couldn't stand the idea of sitting down in a coffee shop and making awkward conversation. We'll see how it goes. The guy enjoys the fact that I use Simpson-isms when I speak. Plus one.

On the negative side of dating, there are the absolutely ridiculous things that people say and do when they are on an online dating site. I have actually been guilt tripped by people for not writing them back immediately. The expectation is that if you are on an online dating service that is all your life is about. Finding the one. Sorry, I have a job, friends, family and a creative life that keeps me distracted. These guys also don't know how to market themselves to women of quality. I got a message from a man today who's screen name is Lovesblackpuss. Sorry, sir. You will not be hearing back from me. I'm not even sure why you messaged me, to be honest.

If this weekends date goes poorly, I will probably be removing myself from all sites. The pressure and judgments on who you are in 500 words or less and based on the images you carefully pick to represent the real you is a little overwhelming. If only I had stayed with my high school boyfriend and popped out a couple of kids at the get-go, I might have missed out on this stress-fest. Regardless, the time has come to focus more on my career.

I recently interviewed for a part time teaching position at a Christian school, teaching drama to 7th and 8th graders 4 hours a week. If I get it, my boss at Ironhorse has said that I could change my schedule to do both things. I am incredibly blessed to be able to do what I love and also have a career that pays the bills. Stating that...

Bailee and I are doing the web comic thing, and it is going incredibly well. We're still looking into how to market it better, but we've been invited to speak at a comic book convention Comikaze Expo in LA in November by a lady who thinks our comic rocks. Comediva is stupendously supportive, and we may be writing a whole series of articles about our upcoming trip to Comic-Con in July, which we will be attending as nerds.

The only downfall is that while I am extremely excited about this and the potential it has to be great, there are still and always will be people in my life who are more logical, who believe that the trip is a boondoggle (a Kirk Pottinger term.) It's really hard when you are excited about something and the people who are closest to you nay-say. I've always been a pretty sensitive soul, and it completely sucks to be so excited about something only to have the negative creep in to taint it. It's a constant source of stress and though I'll deal, it's just how I'm feeling today. My family is constantly supportive of my creative endeavors, and for that I am grateful...I just need to be making more money at it for it to mean anything solid. It'll happen. I'm putting that out there. Thoughts become things.

Stay tuned for a separate blog about my recent visit to the set of Burn Notice!!

Hubris...aka A Lesson Learned.

There's something called hubris. I experienced it today, and I'm comfortable enough to tell you about it.

I had a show last night. It was called The Jiggles and Giggles Comedy Fest. I may have mentioned it once or twice. It was an idea birthed in January, and brought to fruition last night from 7pm-9pm. Or more like 7:15pm-9:30pm. We had so many people show up at the door to buy tickets we held for 15 minutes. After all 97 of them bought their concessions and bid on silent auction items set up by the lovely Wendy Pottinger, and after a two hour show of improv, sketch and stand up (as well as musical comedy and dance all by some of the best friends a girl could have), we had made $1900 for Gilda's Club of South Florida. We had a fun after show at the Brass Ring Pub, and I slept well knowing it was over and that people enjoyed themselves. Win.

Today I headed to Stuart to see some friends in a show. My friend Nathan and I got so turned around we missed the curtain. But we had fun regardless, and even ended up lost near a chocolate shop and got some candy. Yay. Win.

It's Easter, and my brother and his girlfriend came up for dinner. We always have fun as a family, and tonight was no exception. Lasagna, manicotti (we're not Italian), angel food cake and my fabulous family. You can't beat it. Win.

Then I got ready for a date. We were meeting in Delray, and I put on a strapless flowered dress, red flats, a sweater and headed for the door. It began to rain, but my awesome sister escorted me out and I did not get soaked. I drove through the torrential downpour and made it to the date about 2 minutes late. We had fun. We mocked each other. We laughed. We used big words and drank adult beverages. He is a psychology professor, and seemed genuinely interested in me, and not as a patient. We kissed, and it was awkward but had potential. He berated me for parking too far from the restaurant. It was sweet, and a great way to end the weekend. Win! *

I pulled up to the gate of my neighborhood feeling pretty smug. I was feeling invincible. Confident. I am a producer now. I make things interesting wherever I go. My poo does not stink. The world is my oyster.

I rolled down the window to type in the code for the gate, and as I did, the sprinklers came on. Reclaimed water that smelled like rotten eggs started shooting out of the ground, directly into my car and subsequently onto my face, hair, and clothes. A little got in my mouth. As I blindly typed in the code, I pulled away from the geyser that had just drenched me. I glimpsed my visage in the rear view mirror, and started to laugh. Mascara was smeared under my eyes, my hair was half plastered to my head, and I smelled like an Easter Egg that was lost in the hunt and discovered a month later.

Hubris. I'd like to thank whoever is up there for that little reminder that you can never be too humble, even when things are going really well. I sorely needed it. I promise myself and everyone who knows me that it will never, ever happen again.

* After 3 dates, this "gentleman" broke things off over e-mail, saying he wanted to be friends while also stating that he hoped I had a nice life. Jack.

Online dating gems...

Subject line of an e-mail:
Renascence Woman

Lauren's response: If you don't know how to spell a word, either a) don't use it or b) google it and see how it is spelled.

2nd Subject Line of an E-mail:
Stop working and start having fun

Lauren's response: Stop telling me what to do. We aren't even dating yet!

3rd Subject Line of an E-mail: Hi
Body of E-mail: Hello

Lauren's response: Yeesh. Really original and spellbinding. Keep up the good work with the creativity and allure.

E-mail Message: U Seem Kinda Cute

Lauren's response: You seem like a douchebag. Maybe your first mistake is using the words kinda and cute to describe someone you might try to date.

E-mail Message from 62 year old man: You are very sexy-looking.

Lauren's response: You are very old looking, probably have grandkids and smell like Aspercreme and Brut. No thanks.

Actual sentence from a guys profile:
My perfect match must know herself, where she came from and where she is going. She should be confident but not too independent.

Lauren's response:What is too independent? What is confident but not too independent? I am so confused. And feeling unconfident and dependent!

Stay tuned as I am sure there will be plenty more where that came from!!

I wore heels for this?!?!?!

I have a pair of fabulous high heels. They are purple and sparkly with high, thin heels. They make me feel like a rock star when I wear them, though my ankles tend to feel slightly weak and sore a day or two after I wear them. Last night I pulled them out of the closet for a date that I thought looked promising. It was not.

*Not my actual foot.

It's not that it was a horrible date. We went to dinner at Brewzii and caught Michael McDonald at the Improv for free. The format of the date was sound. However, when someone of the opposite sex admits (halfway through the date) that they could have lined up an out phone call with a friend, it kind of puts a damper on things. When they further admit that they experimented with every drug out there and ended up in Florida to go to rehab, that's an even bigger red flag. And when, after 3 and a half hours of conversation and 2 hilarious stand-ups, your date says the highlight of his evening was watching the manager of the Improv chase a guy who walked out on his bill, you pretty much know you've seen the last of this particular gentleman.

After a goodbye that consisted of "See ya" as he pulled out his cell phone and walked away, I wandered in the direction of my car, thinking to myself that I was leaving yet another bomb of a date, about to pay $9 for parking, walking in the painful yet hot shoes that I had chosen to go with a lavender silk shirt and jeans for this particular debacle. I decided I was not going to slink home with my tail between my aching legs, and made my way to the gelato shop at City Place. The adorable 18 year old boy working the counter scooped me some double chocolate gelato and as I paid in cash, he said,"We always appreciate singles at this hour." I said, "It's that obvious that I'm single and just had a bad date?" Confused, the young man handed me my change and said, "I meant the dollar bills." I grabbed the chocolatey goodness and ran. My sore tootsies directed me towards Barnes and Noble, where I grabbed Tina Fey's new book, thinking that my dating woes would help me be more inspired in my professional life.

As I checked out and wandered towards my car, I realized that this was all I needed. A good book, chocolate anything, and good friends to text when my evening didn't go as planned. I'm sure there is someone out there for me. Maybe not on PlentyOfCreeps.com. As my best friend said, it may be time for me to take a break so that Mr. Right can fall into my lap. I'll have to move Bossypants, the show that I'm producing, the web comic I'm writing, and a whole host of other things out of the way to make room for him.

Boudoir session...not for the young or weak at heart.

A little while ago, in an attempt to try new things and be a "yes woman", I decided to do a boudoir session with my very good friends, Emily and Steve Pogozelski, of Pogo Photo. Having been too thin last year and gaining weight again, I thought that I should embrace my current size 8 frame and get some photos done. Maybe I'll do another one after the next 6 months of eating better and working out.

As a single, I had no significant other to take these images for...except myself. It was fun, empowering and everything I'd ever wanted in a naughty photo session(though I never knew I even WANTED a naughty photo session.)

Being the weird individual I am, I decided to do a little bit more than the usual stiletto and stocking pics, and arrived at the shoot, arms heavily laden with props and costumes for what would turn out to be the most hilarious photo shoot of my life. Junk food, comic books, mic stands, and a towel turned me into somewhat of a "sex kitten"(phrase stolen from my best friend, Jen.)

Here is a sneak peek at some of my favorite images, with more to come!

If you EVER want a photo session like this for yourself or your beau, call Emily and Steve. They are the BEST!

PMS Adventures

My friend Bailee and I have been working on this project for two years, and when she connected with an all female comedy website called Comediva, she pitched our baby to the editor, Linda, an amazing lady who saw the potential for our collective work.

Thus, the New Adventures of PMS was launched on March 28th, running for 5 days at the end of the month (just like your period, folks!)

Read it, comment, and hopefully, enjoy it. Also, follow Bailee in her escapades out in LaLa land at her blog, Nerdventure.