Everybody hurts...

After my show on Saturday, I was sore for 4 days.  I had dark, black bruises on both knees, and a skinned left foot from getting too into the moment and not protecting my body from prat falls. I'm used to this. I put everything I have into these shows, as I know that in the end it's my baby, and I'll be responsible should the show fail to entertain.   I was joking about this with a friend of mine, and she said something that made me stop and think about myself and who I am (which is never something I want to do.)

That's just gross.

She said, "I worry about you. You're too willing to hurt yourself...not just for comedy...for men, for friends, for strangers...you put your well-being and happiness second to too many things."

Mind officially blown.  I had never thought about that.  And yet, with that short facebook statement (yes, we were on facebook and having this in-depth conversation) she opened my eyes to what really makes me tick.  I've been through some weird times and done things I probably shouldn't have for the benefit of other people or to prove something about myself that didn't need to be proven.  And that needs to stop.

The last few days I've worn my war wounds with pride and shown them off to anyone who has asked me how the show went. "Look," I'm saying. "Look at how COMMITTED I am.  I'm so crazy when I get on stage I can barely walk. Funny, right?"

I guess not. There's something in what my friend said.  Maybe I am too willing to extend myself.  Maybe I do need to protect myself more, and value an unskinned knee and the ability to wear skirts over showing everyone that I am willing to do anything to make people laugh.  And maybe that will happen.

Or maybe I'm gonna face plant to make a drunken bachelorette party giggle.  We'll see how Saturday goes.

As Kermit the Frog says...

..."AAAGGHHH!!!" Imagine me with my arms flailing in the air as I scream and run away.

Monday: Freak out cause we've only sold 12 tickets.  Calm down as advertising kicked in this week. It'll be ok.

Tuesday: Things have gotten busy.  The show is this weekend, and not having the ability to rehearse any of the content with any of the ladies has me freaking out a little bit.  I know it'll be fine. I just can't see the whole thing coalescing yet, and it has me in a bit of a panic mode. But there are some great things, too.  We have two fabulous stand ups, a great group of improvisers, and a magazine who wants to highlight the event.

Wednesday: Look over sketches after hanging out with the family for a little while. I took my print outs into the garage with me and did a half hour of cardio while listening to show music for Jiggles and learning lines. The music pumped me up so much that I started funk walking. If you don't know what this is, you are missing out. Imagine me, in a cut up Shadowbox tee and yoga pants, doing lunges on the treadmill as I power walked, throwing my arms in the air and basically acting like an idiot. Dad came in and saw me.  I was embarrassed.

Thursday:  Last night, as I turned out the light and lay silently in bed, I started creating the opening of the show, while rehearsing the song, my lines and choreography for the Sports Talk sketch, and trying to figure out if we had enough raffle items. Planned to run errands to buy raffle tickets, cds for the sound tech, health food for a sketch, and trying to locate a baby doll that I can spike on stage tonight as well as plotting a costume for the closing number.

Friday: Going to head to Girls Night Out to pass out some fliers and try to enjoy a party to benefit Breast Cancer Research.Will need to get to bed early.

Saturday: Freak out.

So, that's this week in a nutshell.  Along with all that there was a new PMS which made me happy. Also, a job interview for a new and exciting workplace. Things seem to be coming together.  If I can just keep it together!! :)