Keep your eye on the ball.

Taking a break from Comic-Con updates to basically have a mental breakdown.  This happens every year after my birthday. I start to contemplate mortality and legacy, and then get sucked into the mire of re-evaluating the life I am currently leading.  31 is not old, but it feels fucking old. I felt it a lot while I was in San Diego. I was tired from walking and over-stimulation.  Instead of staying up all night and partying, I sought the solace of 8 hours of sleep.  I probably missed a lot of things that, if I knew about them, would hurt my heart, because I was feeling too old, too tired, too out of shape.

When I was 18, I was lucky enough to be able to travel all over Europe with the group Up with People. It was an amazing experience, that started with training for several weeks in Denver, CO.  The training included inspirational speeches from people who have made a difference in this world.   One man was trying to end child prostitution in Costa Rica.  He inspired me at that young age to fight against the evils in this world.  Another woman was a doctor who gave a speech about keeping your eye on the ball.  This speech has haunted the dark and dusty corners of my brain for the last 12 years.

I haven't kept my eye on the ball.  I've stopped giving. Stopped helping.  I've become surly and complacent, and that's not what I want to be.  I've stopped trying to effect the world in a positive way, and instead of focusing on how to help my fellow man, I've focused on how to help myself.  I've closed myself off from people, when I should be opening up.  And I don't know how to stop.

Lately, I've realized that our country needs voices.  Voices of people who may not agree with each other, but that are informed and passionate about the issues that plague us as Americans.    Voices that are raised, not in anger, but with pride. As much as working a phone bank for my presidential pick for this election was stressful and boring, I realized that it was at least a small drop in the bucket for effecting change that I believe should happen in this country. It's created a small bit of me that realizes that this life I am leading is not enough.  And that when I reach the end of my life, I don't want to be saying, "I don't know who I want to be.  I don't know what I want to do yet."

Time to get my eye BACK on the ball. 

Comic-Con with my Bro: Day 2 and 3

Thursday we rose early to get to the Convention center in time for me to hit my first professional panel of the Con.  I attended from Fan to Creator: Goal Setting for Creative Types to get motivated to edit the 60 page graphic novel for PMS that I have been sitting on for 4 years.  It was a great session, and definitely gave me TOO MANY ideas for progressing PMS Adventures.  Have I implemented any yet?  Of course not.

Dan hung out in the Exhibition Hall until I was done, then we treked to a club called Belo to see what was going on with Geek and Sundry, a youtube channel run by Felicia Day that features Dan's favorite show, TableTop, hosted by Wil Wheaton. We got there in time to see Felicia wrapping up a meet and greet session, and Dan signed up for a free computer processor while I waited for the next panel to start.  The next panel ended up being Felicia Day doing a question and answer session. She was sweet and inspiring. I teared up listening to her talk about a world where all kinds of nerds can feel safe expressing themselves and their love of gaming, comics, sports, anything without the fear of judgement. I was also on my period.  After she was done, Dan and I played a number of previewed video games that were set up in the lounge. Super cool.

After some food, we decided to head back to the convention for a panel that featured artists and writers from Womanthology, a Kickstarted funded all female comic anthology.  Dan waited in line for a Time Travel panel, and was unable to get in, so headed down to the Exhibition Hall for more browsing and plotting. I joined him, and after seeing the Ninja Turtles and a lot of other cool, weird things, we headed back to the hotel to nap and get ready for the Stan Lee party that was being hosted by my friend, Regina, and her company, Comikaze Expo. The party was weird.  We were kinda tired and not really in the party mood, but we definitely enjoyed the Devo cover band and the cosplay dancing that went down on the dance floor.  About an hour in, we decided to head back to the hotel to try to get some rest for day 3.  I really wanted to attempt to make it in for the Firefly 10th reunion panel, but the line had already started and it was midnight by the time we got back to our room. Nixing that plan, we decided instead to shop and check out the Geek and Sundry tabletop gaming that was scheduled at Belo.

Friday morning saw Dan and I buying gifts and tabletop games in the Exhibition Hall before heading to Belo, where Dan immediately placed himself in a game of Ticket to Ride.  The prize for winning the game was the game that was used on the TableTop show, signed by Wil and Anne Wheaton, Colin Ferguson, and Amy Dallen.  While Dan was immersed in train domination, a girl started chatting with me about my PMS t-shirt.  While we were chatting, COLIN FERGUSON came into the room. Swoon. Two girls invited my new friend and I to join them in playing a game of Dominion.  I suck at all forms of table top games, but I tried! Halfway through the game, two of the ladies decided to go and try to get a photo with Ferguson, and I naysayed, thinking to myself that I was above all that.  They got their photos, I didn't.  Despondent, we wrapped our game and Dan and I prepared to leave.

As I returned from the bathroom, I saw Ferguson hanging at the bar, chatting with a bunch of people. He was joking about his next project, which was renovating his kitchen.   Dan demanded that I get my photo with Colin, as he had his own picture taken with the guy and he said he seemed cool. After listening to Ferguson complain that Comic-Con had advertised his presence for a signing that he was not contracted to be at, I asked.  Ferguson (who is the nicest man on the planet) said yes, and we posed.  Joking with him, I ended up making a horrendous face in the photo.  I further embarrassed myself by screaming "Viva La Revolucion!" as I left, as he was talking about overthrowing Comic-Con by signing autographs for free outside the Convention Center.

Doh.

We headed back to the room early as Saturday was going to be an early day again, due to a number of panels that Dan and I wanted to attend. More boring details tomorrow.

Comic-Con with my Bro. Day 1

We're sitting in the hotel after the first full day of Comic Con and boy, do I have to poop.

I left the computer open, and Dan had typed that while I was in the bathroom.  Not pooping.  Ok, I might have been pooping.  Sue me.  People poop.

Dan and I got back two days ago from an exhausting and exhilarating 5 days in San Diego. I intended to blog as we went along so I wouldn't have to try to remember what happened and when, but that fell by the wayside with nightly exhaustion after hours of walking and over-stimulation. I'll try to describe the trip in as much detail as possible with the fog that is currently surrounding my travel addled mind.

Dan came up on Tuesday night with the family after a giant meal at Maggiano's in Boca, where he lives.  The excitement of the trip got to both of us, and we stayed up a little later than expected for our 5:15am wake up call.  I stumbled into the shower.  We made it to the airport with loads of time to spare. I grabbed Starbucks.  Dan did not eat, as he did not want to have to go boom boom on the plane. We made it to the back of the plane, and in my seat sat an older Asian woman, who insisted that the aisle was her seat.  Not wanting to com-plane (ha), I took the middle seat next to my brother, who immediately fell asleep with his head on a sweatshirt pillow. I was not so lucky. Aisle lady elbowed me. Then threw off her wrap and slapped me with it.  Then, pulls out a tupperware with grilled SALMON, rice, and a baggy full of what looks like carob chips. She proceeds to eat with her hands, lustily sucking the salmon fat off of her chubby fingers while slurping tomato juice that the evil flight attendant handed her.  I'm sure Salmon Lady had a dietary restriction that caused her to bring her own food on the plane.  However, it was gross and annoying. And smelly.

An uneventful second flight dropped us into the beautiful city of San Diego. We got to our room via an airport shuttle, as my brother thought a cabbie would try to bone collect us.  The La Quinta was nice, but we dropped our stuff and immediately got on the shuttle to pick up our badges. Little did we know they would be dropping us off at the WRONG PLACE. We ended up at a smaller site where normal badge pick up was being held so traffic was lessened at the actual convention center. We were told by a kid who looked like he was barely out of puberty to hop on the trolley and it would take us to where we needed to go to pick up our passes. A couple of stops later, and a couple of conversations with a nice gentleman with few teeth who told me he'd heard of PMS Adventures, we were there. We got in a huge line and made our way to the badges. After acquiring our swag bags and PROFESSIONAL badges, we sought food and found it at an Irish pub that Bailee, Lori and I hung out at last year. The food was delicious, and we headed back to check out the exhibition hall.  It was Dan's first time in the great hall of money spending and sites to see, and I enjoyed our tour.   We then headed back to the hotel, via the shuttle, to plot the next day of panels and shenanigans!

WEEEOOOOO!!

TOMORROW!!  TOMORROW!! I LOVE YOU!! TOMORROW!  YOU'RE ONLY A DAY AWAY!

This is us.

We leave for San Diego tomorrow. This will be my first Comic-Con as a professional, and I'm blessed that my older brother, Dan, agreed to blow off work for 5 days and go with me to Nerd-vana.  Last Tuesday, we were on the phone at 2am plotting all the wonderful things that we were going to try to do, see, and experience while out there. If you have never been to a Con, you are missing out and should rectify that as soon as possible.  There's an energy that fills your body when you are surrounded by people who love the same things you do.  There's a thrill when you make it into a panel, beating out thousands of other people and grabbing a seat. A joy when you get to hear your favorite famous people speak about all the things they have done that made you love them. 

Have no fear.  We will be posting photos, blogs, and tweeting about our trip ad nauseum. 

My brother and I have always had an interesting dynamic.  Being the younger sister, the second born, I was a little bit more serious than he was growing up. There was a period of time when I idolized him.  Then I hated him and we fought every day. Then I realized that everything he loved was a major influence in my life. He listened to Scorpions.  I listened to Scorpions.  He read comic books.  I read comic books.  He played video games.  I played video games.  He introduced me to the Evil Dead movies. Some of the greatest memories I have of growing up included him.  He took me to Lollapalooza '96, my first un-chaperoned rock concert.  I was 15 and got hit in the face with a flying pizza plate as he and his friend moved closer to the speakers, leaving me by myself, but it was still exhilarating and gave me an appreciation for Metallica and Rage Against the Machine.

I moved away from Florida after college, but remember a Christmas when I found and sent him a Deadpool action figure.  When I got back into comics, I started collecting Deadpool because my brother loved him, which meant I would love him.  I wouldn't be who I am today without this weirdo. I'm so thankful he's going to go with me, though I really wish I could take the whole family as they are each nerds about so many different things.  May need to take one with me each year!

I guess I'm trying to say that I am excited to be heading West tomorrow for a whirlwind 5 days of panels, comics, parties, meeting new people, meeting famous people, photo opps, Walking Dead obstacle courses, and getting to hang out with the coolest brother a girl could ask for.  Is it 8:15am on Wednesday yet?!?!?!?

A guide to dating someone in the Guarded Area.

Title could also be: I'm an asshole and I don't know why you are dating me.

After some miscommunication this weekend, mainly on my part, the boyfriend and I are back in good spirits and getting along swimmingly.  After a 45 minute high school-esque phone conversation this evening (with me laying on the bed twirling my hair while he probably lifted weights on his end while fixing his hair with a switchblade comb), I made an offhand comment about him needing an instruction manual for dating me.  We laughed for a minute, then he said, in his serious voice, "Can you do that for me?"

I'm not proud of the fact that my boyfriend of 3 months has to ask me for a guide to dating me. In fact, I'm quite ashamed and feel my woman card should be revoked for being such a jerkface that I make loving me this hard thing to accomplish.  But I am who I am and he seems to want to be with that person, so I decided to take a stab at it. Here's a how to guide to dating me.

1) Don't take anything I say personally. Anything. I'm like a 5 year old with no censor.  Yes, you snore sometimes, but I didn't really mean that I was gonna suffocate you with a pillow if you did it again. I grew up with all guy friends, and that's how I know how to talk to men.  Like we're buddies.  I may even lovingly punch you in the arm sometimes.  It's not my fault.  I blame the testosterone. Theirs, not mine.

2) Don't assume I don't know something, cause I have an ego the size of Bruce Campbell's cleft chin that has been tried by condescending buttface ex boyfriends, and I will respond to you with snark and sarcasm.  I'm sorry  for the Tweet about you trying to tell me that Halo is a video game.  I know that. Assume that I know...and that if I don't know, I will ask.  Or I'll Wikipedia.

3) I have triggers. The word bitch has ALWAYS been a trigger for me, from the good old days in college when I had to move out of an apartment with my then boyfriend because he was a mentally and physically abusive and posessive jagoff.  I don't like it.  I also, like a five year old, don't like being told what to do. See above trigger from jagoff ex-boyfriend.

4) I don't need romance.  I need honesty and laughter and being goofy.   Romance makes me uncomfortable.  See above comment about growing up with guy friends.

5) My family and my friends are as important to me as you are.  I need time with them, and I need them  to know that I am here for them, as well as for you.  Balance is everything to me. I also really like hanging out with myself. It's weird, but I'm used to it after two years of singledom.  I'm independent, and that's what you love about me.  If I start being a jerk and bogarting too much time for pj/no shower/Eureka marathon days, it's ok to say so.  I may say I want to go to Istanbul by myself, and THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Just me being me and needing to conquer things on my own.

6) You are an important part of my life, but realize I'm still adjusting to having an amazing, wonderful, great smelling handsome man around.  I often feel like I don't deserve it, but I'm getting better and I'll continue to improve as time passes.

That's all I have for now. I'll probably think of more things I should warn you about, and if you are a friend or family member who reads this blog, please feel free to chime in!  But be nice. Or I'll get cranky.

EDITED ON 7/5 CAUSE THE BOYFRIEND TOLD ME THERE WAS A TYPO. 

DID NOT GET POINT OF BLOG AT ALL. 

EDITED ON 12/20 BECAUSE I BROKE UP WITH HIM IN AUGUST.  OOOPS.