I haven't been feeling well lately. And by lately I mean since November. I started having stabbing pains in my legs after Thanksgiving when I went to Universal to meet my cousin and his girlfriend (then fiancee, then wife. All on the same day.) It didn't hinder the trip, but I had one of those weird heating pad stickers on it the whole time. Since then I have been having more and more leg pain, progressing from dull aches to sharp, guitar string plucking style pains all day long. My restless leg has gotten worse. Muscle spasms have been occurring in both legs as well as my left pinky and right hand. My left arm randomly goes numb. My veins are visible on 90% of my body, and the areas where they are visible are sore to the touch. I've had major dizzy spells. I am exhausted all the time. I've been randomly throwing up.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. According to my doctor.
She ran a battery of tests before I left for my mission trip (a mission trip where I wanted to cut off my own leg after 5 days of lawn work). Blood work shows I am 100% healthy. Like, the healthiest of healthy.
Thinking it might be side effects of birth control, she told me to go off of it. I discussed with her the fact that I am on birth control for PMDD issues, and that I guess I'd rather be in pain than yelling at people while sobbing hysterically and making bad life decisions. She left the room to look into other forms of BC with different estrogen levels, and then came back with a light in her eye and a spring in her step.
"What if we put you on anti-depressants for the PMDD?" she asked, oh so casually. As if the idea of being on mind altering drugs was going to solve all of my problems. As if I would be excited about the idea of an anti-depressant.
I've been here before. A previous doc put me on brain drugs for the week before my period to help with the PMDD symptoms. I mentioned this to new doc. She replied, "No, you'll be on it all the time. Every day."
I'm torn, here. What if the drugs mess with my creativity? Am I going to turn into some sort of improv zombie? Will I still be able to cry on cue? Or will my tear ducts dry up as my ups and downs even out? AND WHAT DO BRAIN DRUGS HAVE TO DO WITH LEG PAIN AND DIZZINESS?
Oh, did I have leg pain? She didn't remember me mentioning that. Even though that is specifically why I went to see her in the first place.
I kinda hate doctors right now. But I also feel helpless. I feel like I need a second opinion. But where do I go? What do I do?
I'll take some of the brain drugs and see if it helps me find clarity. OOOOOOO...........shiny.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
What a week.
Some people have been asking me, "Lauren-why were you in Virginia with a bunch of kids?"
The answer is "Yes, and..."
Performing improv is a large portion of my life. I also use a lot of improv rules in real life, which sometimes means that I say Yes before I even think about things. Life is too short and all that.
Last week, I drove with 11 girls and one youth group leader, followed by a van with 3 boys and another female chaperone to Vienna, VA for a week of service through Week of Hope, a religious organization that teaches about the works of Jesus through community service.
I am an agnostic/deist. I have my doubts but can see some sort of order to the universe. I definitely don't like organized religion. Definitely. Don't.
So, I just spent a week sleeping in a church classroom with those 11 girls and that other female chaperone. On air mattresses. There were 2 showers. For 60 ladies. Adults had to shower between certain hours. Meals were held in the gymnasium. I coined a catch phrase when I thought the kids were misbehaving. "Whoa, whoa, whoa." They started repeating it back to me by the end of the trip.
It was awful and it was great. I was the sole person in charge of a group of 5 kids. 5 kids who ended up being atheists/agnostics who really just wanted to help out and hang out with their friends for a week.
Day 1: Got there late. Did not get schedules. Did not get paperwork. Got assigned a group comprising of two girls from the youth group I was with and 3 from another group from Delaware. They were not very communicative at first, but were "besties" by the end of the week.
Day 2: Went to the home of David and Virginia, an elderly couple with some major health issues. Cleaned their house. Edged and weeded their yard. Scraped and painted a swing that they courted on. It was sweet and awesome. Then we fliered a neighborhood for 3 hours in the heat with no access to the bathroom. I was mad at that. The pastor of the church we were staying in was a jerk. A big jerk. I kinda hated him.
Day 3: Spent all day at the home of Betty, a lady with heart issues and one lung. Did yardwork. All day. We got done early, but were at the mercy of one of the organizers as we had no vehicle. We spent the last hour laying on the grass under a huge oak tree, chatting about life and goofing off. That was the highlight of the trip for me. The whole youth group went to DC. We visited a couple of museums. We ate junk food. I pretended to be running really fast on the Metro every time it started up.
Day 4: Yardwork. All Day. At the church we were staying at. I took the kids to Starbucks and Dairy Queen. We ended the day by spraying each other with the garden hose.
Day 5: Yard work. Half the day. Then got to organize a flower closet that had an a/c leaking all over the floor. We put garbage bags in the baptismal pool. Classy. Two girls had allergic reactions to a plant and almost passed out on Benedryl. Then asshole pastor made us flier. Again. It was stupid. We walked back to the church from the school where he had us passing out things to kids (creepy) , and he pulled up behind us in the bus honking the horn, startling all of us. As we walked past, I muttered to my kids, "What a dick." They laughed. The kids were allowed to stay up until midnight. I told them to wear their blankets as capes. We went to Wal-Mart to resupply for the ride home the next day. I bought giant marshmallows and incited a marshmallow war with all the kids at the camp. Fun. Sweaty. Times.
Day 6: We finally left at 8:41am. Got home at 4:30am on Day 7 (Saturday). I got in my car, drove to my brother's house as Kevin was there and it would have been silly to drive from Delray to Gardens only to drive to Boca the next day. My lovely sister in law made their bed up for me. I slept til 8:20am and headed home as my brother was sick and sneezing everywhere.
I am still tired. I ache all over. I have muscle definition in my arms. I lost two pounds. My mom and sister keep telling me that I need to run every decision by them from now on, as it was a crazy week and I really didn't even have to do it. Eh. I like my Yes, And attitude. I have much better stories to tell when I embrace it. And my arm jiggle is gone. WIN WIN.
The answer is "Yes, and..."
Performing improv is a large portion of my life. I also use a lot of improv rules in real life, which sometimes means that I say Yes before I even think about things. Life is too short and all that.
Last week, I drove with 11 girls and one youth group leader, followed by a van with 3 boys and another female chaperone to Vienna, VA for a week of service through Week of Hope, a religious organization that teaches about the works of Jesus through community service.
I am an agnostic/deist. I have my doubts but can see some sort of order to the universe. I definitely don't like organized religion. Definitely. Don't.
So, I just spent a week sleeping in a church classroom with those 11 girls and that other female chaperone. On air mattresses. There were 2 showers. For 60 ladies. Adults had to shower between certain hours. Meals were held in the gymnasium. I coined a catch phrase when I thought the kids were misbehaving. "Whoa, whoa, whoa." They started repeating it back to me by the end of the trip.
It was awful and it was great. I was the sole person in charge of a group of 5 kids. 5 kids who ended up being atheists/agnostics who really just wanted to help out and hang out with their friends for a week.
Day 1: Got there late. Did not get schedules. Did not get paperwork. Got assigned a group comprising of two girls from the youth group I was with and 3 from another group from Delaware. They were not very communicative at first, but were "besties" by the end of the week.
Day 2: Went to the home of David and Virginia, an elderly couple with some major health issues. Cleaned their house. Edged and weeded their yard. Scraped and painted a swing that they courted on. It was sweet and awesome. Then we fliered a neighborhood for 3 hours in the heat with no access to the bathroom. I was mad at that. The pastor of the church we were staying in was a jerk. A big jerk. I kinda hated him.
Day 3: Spent all day at the home of Betty, a lady with heart issues and one lung. Did yardwork. All day. We got done early, but were at the mercy of one of the organizers as we had no vehicle. We spent the last hour laying on the grass under a huge oak tree, chatting about life and goofing off. That was the highlight of the trip for me. The whole youth group went to DC. We visited a couple of museums. We ate junk food. I pretended to be running really fast on the Metro every time it started up.
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| This group of knuckleheads made the week worth it. |
Day 4: Yardwork. All Day. At the church we were staying at. I took the kids to Starbucks and Dairy Queen. We ended the day by spraying each other with the garden hose.
Day 5: Yard work. Half the day. Then got to organize a flower closet that had an a/c leaking all over the floor. We put garbage bags in the baptismal pool. Classy. Two girls had allergic reactions to a plant and almost passed out on Benedryl. Then asshole pastor made us flier. Again. It was stupid. We walked back to the church from the school where he had us passing out things to kids (creepy) , and he pulled up behind us in the bus honking the horn, startling all of us. As we walked past, I muttered to my kids, "What a dick." They laughed. The kids were allowed to stay up until midnight. I told them to wear their blankets as capes. We went to Wal-Mart to resupply for the ride home the next day. I bought giant marshmallows and incited a marshmallow war with all the kids at the camp. Fun. Sweaty. Times.
Day 6: We finally left at 8:41am. Got home at 4:30am on Day 7 (Saturday). I got in my car, drove to my brother's house as Kevin was there and it would have been silly to drive from Delray to Gardens only to drive to Boca the next day. My lovely sister in law made their bed up for me. I slept til 8:20am and headed home as my brother was sick and sneezing everywhere.
I am still tired. I ache all over. I have muscle definition in my arms. I lost two pounds. My mom and sister keep telling me that I need to run every decision by them from now on, as it was a crazy week and I really didn't even have to do it. Eh. I like my Yes, And attitude. I have much better stories to tell when I embrace it. And my arm jiggle is gone. WIN WIN.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Happy birthday....to me???
This just in. My birthday weekend is going to be simultaneously dumb and awesome.
Saturday, June 14th
9:30AM: Donate blood for one of my best friends, who is having surgery and needs backup O-.
8:00PM: Arrive at Showtime Theater for Sick Puppies Show warm up.
9:00PM-10:30PM: Sick Puppies Show
11:00PM: Meet Youth Group and drive 14 hours to Manassas, VA for a week long Mission Trip. 11:00PM-12:00AM: Bloodlessly sing Kumbaya for an hour to annoy Youth Pastor.
Sunday, June 15th-My actual Birthday
All Day: Drive to Manassas. Sing more Kumbaya.
I'll be in VA til the 20th. Sleeping on air mattresses. In a church. There may be indoor showers. They may be communal. They may be outside. There may be a/c. Participants make the meals. We'll be doing good work in the area and I get to hang out with some pretty cool kids. The adults are ok. :)
At least we'll be getting home some time on the 20th. I think. Who knows at this point?!?!?!?
Saturday, June 14th
9:30AM: Donate blood for one of my best friends, who is having surgery and needs backup O-.
8:00PM: Arrive at Showtime Theater for Sick Puppies Show warm up.
9:00PM-10:30PM: Sick Puppies Show
11:00PM: Meet Youth Group and drive 14 hours to Manassas, VA for a week long Mission Trip. 11:00PM-12:00AM: Bloodlessly sing Kumbaya for an hour to annoy Youth Pastor.
Sunday, June 15th-My actual Birthday
All Day: Drive to Manassas. Sing more Kumbaya.
I'll be in VA til the 20th. Sleeping on air mattresses. In a church. There may be indoor showers. They may be communal. They may be outside. There may be a/c. Participants make the meals. We'll be doing good work in the area and I get to hang out with some pretty cool kids. The adults are ok. :)
At least we'll be getting home some time on the 20th. I think. Who knows at this point?!?!?!?
Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. I am an idiot who says yes to everything.
Happy birthday to me
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