Fiction Friday. For real this time.

Someone asked me yesterday how I'm going to do this whole Fiction Friday thing. What's going to inspire it? What will it be about? And I said, Dunno.

Then I thought, I'm gonna take something I experience during the day, and take a word, feeling, or something I see, and convert it into a short piece of fiction. Today's motivation will be the word amazing, as it's amazing how many things can go wrong in one morning.

Amazing
by This Girl

It started out as an ordinary day. The sun peeked through the slats of dusty Venetian blinds, indicating to our sleeping hero that the day had begun, and that it had begun without him. Eyes gummed together with fragments from the past day, his arm shot from under the blue plaid comforter as he groped for the phone resting upon his bedside table. Shifting slightly, he raised his head and opened one eye to see the time. "SHIT, Fuck, Mother fucker!!" It was well past the time for his alarm to sound. It was well past the time he was supposed to head out the door for the job he loathed, but secretly needed more than it needed him. It was well past the time to get rid of the sleeping form lying next to him.

"Hey, " he barked, grabbing the girl by the shoulder and shaking her awake. "You gotta get out of here. I'm late for work. " He launched out of bed, grabbing underwear that were lying in a pile of shed clothing from the night before. A quick sniff test assured that they would work another day. Moving like a madman, he grabbed a clean shirt, pants, shoes, and belt in a fervor, not noticing that the lovely lady he had met in the bar last night had not moved a muscle. Pulling on his garments, he tripped as he tried to put both feet into his pants at the same time. Behind the red that was clouding his vision as he let out a stream of more obscenities, he heard a sound. A light sound, a sound filled with humor and the dredges of sleep from which the maker of the noise had just been torn. He looked over at the rumpled bed, and at the blonde woman who was laughing at him now, full out and with such delight that he caught himself smiling, just a little. His eyes followed hers down his torso to a pair of bright pink boy shorts with a rainbow emblazoned on each side.

Pants around his ankles, looking now into the eyes of a girl he barely knew whose underpants were hugging his hips, he began to chuckle. Then to laugh as the girl, breathless, uttered, "I'm going to pee myself...I can't..." He thought about the job he needed that didn't need him. He thought about the angry phone call he would surely receive from a boss who couldn't care less whether he was hurt, injured, or in trouble. He realized that he had a choice. A choice between sucking up to his boss and then working all day or staying in bed with this girl who could laugh and make everything right with the world.

He picked up his phone, sent a quick e-mail, and sat on the bed. "If you give me back my underpants, I'll get out of your hair, "she whispered as he looked into the blue eyes that he didn't remember being that blue, with the haze of alcohol and dancing blurring his vision. "I think I'll keep them. " He smiled. "What do you wanna do today, Samantha?" Surprised, she grabbed his hand and slyly said, "You remembered my name!"

"Yeah...good thing for me that it's written in your underwear."

BURN NOTICE!!

I found a website online that was a casting agency for the TV show Burn Notice. Burn Notice has a couple of things going for it that I love, the biggest one being Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead fame. I've been a fan of his since I saw the first Evil Dead film when I was 14.


Handsome.

So, I uploaded my headshot, put in my info, and waited. 2 days later I received an e-mail from the casting department, asking me if I was available on a Wednesday. I said yes, though I do have a day job and was not sure if I could get the day off. I tried to come up with an excuse...dr's appt, sickness, family emergency...finally deciding on the good old fashioned truth. My boss told me to go for it, and asked if he could come with. Unfortunately, that couldn't happen, but I felt a lot better knowing that I was upfront and honest instead of being a lying liar face.

I get an e-mail telling me to bring office casual clothing. I rushed to NY&CO to purchase appropriate clothing, as my entire work wardrobe is comprised of white, grays and black, all of which were no-nos. I couldn't sleep, and woke at 5:15 with an energy that has never been seen in me at that early hour. I hopped in the Mini and jetted down to Key Biscayne, where the shoot was to be held. I arrived early, and sat around watching the other extras come into the craft services area. They were from all walks of life. Old, young, attractive, not...a plethora of personalities.

The queen-tastic wardrobe guy tisked at my selections, lambasting me for bringing clothing that the casting agency specifically told us to bring. The other extras piped up, letting him know in no uncertain terms that we were a team here, and that it was all for one. After changing into casual gear for an outdoor scene we would be shooting, we were told to grab our stuff and get on the bus, as we were heading to the set. Little did I know, my life was about to change, forever.

All right, it didn't change forever. I had a fantastic time shooting on Burn Notice, ending up walking as a background actor right next to Jeffrey Donavan and Bruce Campbell. I tittered a little as I was handed a coffee cup to carry along with an expired parking ticket as props. One of my pet peeves is when actors in films carry coffee cups as if they are batons. I concentrated all my efforts on being the best coffee cup carrier in Tinseltown. I created a backstory for my character, walking with cops and discussing how they could help me pay off the ticket. One guy I walked with became my fictional boyfriend, and I had received the ticket while parking at his house, so he should be the one paying for it. Fun, fun times. A couple novice background actors were almost run over by Michael's black Dodge Charger. It was hilarious.

In an office scene with Sharon Gless and Gabrielle Anwar, I was told to sit in a chair behind the two ladies and pretend to be filling out an employment application. I filled it out, all right. The applicant was IP Freely. She used to be a hooker, but had to quit due to health reasons. Her references were Madonna, Beelzebub, and her mom. All very fun, at least for me. After a couple of seconds, I was to stand up and go and use the restroom, walking behind the two lead actresses. I kindly asked the lady next to me (in mime, of course) to watch my stuff while I went. It was awesome. The director, Jonathan Frakes of Star Trek fame, used my leg as a frame for a wide shot. Neat.

At the end of the day, I was smelly, sunburnt, and exhausted. I was $100 richer, and I had been within 3 feet of my most favorite actor of all time. I watched his process, and even locked eyes with him momentarily as I awaited the call of "background." It was a day that will forever be burnt into my memory.

Hubris...aka A Lesson Learned.

There's something called hubris. I experienced it today, and I'm comfortable enough to tell you about it.

I had a show last night. It was called The Jiggles and Giggles Comedy Fest. I may have mentioned it once or twice. It was an idea birthed in January, and brought to fruition last night from 7pm-9pm. Or more like 7:15pm-9:30pm. We had so many people show up at the door to buy tickets we held for 15 minutes. After all 97 of them bought their concessions and bid on silent auction items set up by the lovely Wendy Pottinger, and after a two hour show of improv, sketch and stand up (as well as musical comedy and dance all by some of the best friends a girl could have), we had made $1900 for Gilda's Club of South Florida. We had a fun after show at the Brass Ring Pub, and I slept well knowing it was over and that people enjoyed themselves. Win.

Today I headed to Stuart to see some friends in a show. My friend Nathan and I got so turned around we missed the curtain. But we had fun regardless, and even ended up lost near a chocolate shop and got some candy. Yay. Win.

It's Easter, and my brother and his girlfriend came up for dinner. We always have fun as a family, and tonight was no exception. Lasagna, manicotti (we're not Italian), angel food cake and my fabulous family. You can't beat it. Win.

Then I got ready for a date. We were meeting in Delray, and I put on a strapless flowered dress, red flats, a sweater and headed for the door. It began to rain, but my awesome sister escorted me out and I did not get soaked. I drove through the torrential downpour and made it to the date about 2 minutes late. We had fun. We mocked each other. We laughed. We used big words and drank adult beverages. He is a psychology professor, and seemed genuinely interested in me, and not as a patient. We kissed, and it was awkward but had potential. He berated me for parking too far from the restaurant. It was sweet, and a great way to end the weekend. Win! *

I pulled up to the gate of my neighborhood feeling pretty smug. I was feeling invincible. Confident. I am a producer now. I make things interesting wherever I go. My poo does not stink. The world is my oyster.

I rolled down the window to type in the code for the gate, and as I did, the sprinklers came on. Reclaimed water that smelled like rotten eggs started shooting out of the ground, directly into my car and subsequently onto my face, hair, and clothes. A little got in my mouth. As I blindly typed in the code, I pulled away from the geyser that had just drenched me. I glimpsed my visage in the rear view mirror, and started to laugh. Mascara was smeared under my eyes, my hair was half plastered to my head, and I smelled like an Easter Egg that was lost in the hunt and discovered a month later.

Hubris. I'd like to thank whoever is up there for that little reminder that you can never be too humble, even when things are going really well. I sorely needed it. I promise myself and everyone who knows me that it will never, ever happen again.

* After 3 dates, this "gentleman" broke things off over e-mail, saying he wanted to be friends while also stating that he hoped I had a nice life. Jack.

The Gift that Keeps on Giving....

I have been working at a country club for three years as an administrator. Every year at the holidays, people bring in candy, cards, and gifts to show their appreciation of the work I do, and it's very nice and sweet. Sometimes the gifts are monetary, other times they are more personal. This year, I received a lovely jewelry set, some candy, some cash, and this...
The lady who brought it in was very excited about it, and told me I could put it on my desk so I could have pictures of my family to look at during the long hours that I am at work. I'm sure she assumed that I have children, or a spouse, or something to put in there that would remind me of why I am working in the first place.

I open the box, and these are the examples they have for me to go off of...
So, I need to find a man. Get me some babies. Dye my hair blond. Buy two adorable puppies. And travel. That's what this company says will make me happy, so I'd better get on it, stat.

I've got the travel part down. And I can put in photos of my old, arthritic dog, Bailey. And maybe a picture of me bungee jumping in British Columbia, or one from my future trapeze lesson I bought myself. Or a photo of me and my girlfriends in LA, or a picture of my cute little Mini Cooper. Or me on the St. Christopher Bridge in Prague, in front of the Mannequin Pis in Brussels, or at Bergen Belsen in Germany. And when people get confused by the photos and ask, "Where are the pictures of your family? Your kids? Your perfect husband and perfect pets?" I'll tell them what I always want to say, "I'm single, unattached, and adventurous. And that's good enough for me. Can it be good enough for you?"