Don't worry. This blog is not about poop. Not really.
I got super sick on Monday. I ate a crab cake at work, and immediately felt awful. Itchy. Flushed. Ran back and forth to the bathroom for the remainder of the afternoon. Went home early cause I was feeling like fire was running through my body. Doc at Urgent Care said it was an allergic reaction to crab. Next time could be anaphylactic shock. Cortisone shot in my ass for swelling. Suggestion of over the counter meds for tummy. Swing by Walgreens. Crackers. Coke. Cherry flavored Nausea Suppressant for food indiscretions. Really. It says so on the label.
I go home. I walk Kevin, in a daze. Make it short cause I can't make it more than around the block. I'm weak. Get in bed. Sleep. Sleep some more. Poop. Poop some more. Eat a bunch of crackers. Eat more crackers. Get a text to call someone as soon as I can. Call. Goes right to voicemail. Text an hour later saying I called but went right to voicemail. Get a text back, "At dinner." Wait for a call back. Wait some more. Wait some more. Sleep. Poop. Throw up. Poop. Wait.
I got pissed. Pissed that this person would put an onus on me to call them, then completely blow me off. This person is poison to me. The few times I've been really angry lately have been when this person is involved. And I was done. Done being a doormat. Done being this person's go to everything, but never having that person be there for me. Done trying to make this person happy while compromising myself and my mental/physical health.
I've had more than enough. So, I'm done. I'm done with him. Done with the business we created together. Done with feeling less than so he can feel more than. I'm walking away which is something I should have done months ago. People don't change. Or won't change. And the only thing I can do is change how I interact with them.
I'm moving on. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who make you feel less than. I'm tired of it. I had a wonderful experience last week performing improv without the need to produce or direct it. And it was liberating. I realize now that I don't have to be in charge anymore. I can put my trust where it will be protected and earned. And I can do it, on my own.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Online Dating...again.
My mom signed me up for Plenty Of Fish. Again. Last night, she told me that she started messaging people in my stead. I was annoyed at first, cause 'GOSH, can't I just be single and be happy and that can be ok? ' But I realized that I am not ok. I mean, I'm ok in that I am happy with my life, but I'm not ok in that I've spent the last 3 weekends hanging out with my dog or my parents. So, I know I need to get back out there. Today is a slow day at work, and my boss is on vacation, so I decided to look at the profile that Wendy had created and maybe jazz it up a bit. Here it is in all it's glory.
I am co-founder of an Improv troupe. I sing, act and do stand up comedy any where and any when I can. I'm writing and starring in a comedy web show starting in August. I love my family and my dog, mostly in that order. I love being outdoors and trying new things. Last year, I learned to fly on the trapeze. This year, I went skydiving and rappelled down a building for charity. I write a web comic and am currently working on a graphic novel based on the comic. I have gone to San Diego Comic-Con the last few years, but will miss this year because of my brother's wedding. I hate him for getting married to his best friend and compromising my Comic-Con nerding out. I'm also planning the wedding for them. My dog will be dressing up like Chewbacca for Halloween and I will be Leia. Not Slave Leia. I'm not there yet.
I challenge myself to do one brave thing every day. I started training for my first 5K two weeks ago and I haven't died yet, though South Florida weather is not helpful in that regard. I've already signed up for two races. One where I dress like a superhero and another where I'll be floundering in mud for 3.10686 miles with my lady friends. I love to travel and have been to Europe, Canada and almost all 50 states. I'm not afraid to travel by myself, but would love to have someone special with whom I can share those experiences.
I'm going to be honest here. My mom signed me up for this site, and she has probably awkwardly messaged you pretending to be me. I hope you're ok with that. She's on a mission to prevent spinsterhood. Her heart is definitely in the right place, though she uses LOL a lot when messaging and I think that's the first time I've ever typed it in my life.
I'm looking for someone that loves the arts but also likes sports, video games and beer. Someone who chews with their mouth shut. Someone who can take a joke and who loves to laugh. Someone who isn't afraid to jump off a cliff into the ocean but is also content watching movies at home.
ABOUT ME
I challenge myself to do one brave thing every day. I started training for my first 5K two weeks ago and I haven't died yet, though South Florida weather is not helpful in that regard. I've already signed up for two races. One where I dress like a superhero and another where I'll be floundering in mud for 3.10686 miles with my lady friends. I love to travel and have been to Europe, Canada and almost all 50 states. I'm not afraid to travel by myself, but would love to have someone special with whom I can share those experiences.
I'm going to be honest here. My mom signed me up for this site, and she has probably awkwardly messaged you pretending to be me. I hope you're ok with that. She's on a mission to prevent spinsterhood. Her heart is definitely in the right place, though she uses LOL a lot when messaging and I think that's the first time I've ever typed it in my life.
I'm looking for someone that loves the arts but also likes sports, video games and beer. Someone who chews with their mouth shut. Someone who can take a joke and who loves to laugh. Someone who isn't afraid to jump off a cliff into the ocean but is also content watching movies at home.
 |
| Would you date this?
NAILED IT! HERE COME THE MENS!
|
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Poopers.
My family talks about poop a lot. We think about it a lot. We are a family of poopers. There's discussions of diet. Consistency. Turns of phrase like "I just peed out of my butt" at the dinner table. It's totally cool and totally acceptable and totally bizarre to be a part of if you are uninitiated to the ways of the Poop in a Jars (a childhood nickname. Good one.)
Nervous poopers...allergy poopers...coffee poopers...IBS victims. That's us.
Road trips are planned according to clean pooping stops.
Meals are coordinated depending on the distance one has to drive afterwards. We comment on poop. If someone disappears after dinner at the parents house, we know exactly where they are heading. Typically, mom has a book or two in the bathroom along with lit scented candles. Decorative paper towels and vanilla scented soap are always in stock. Every now and then, there are wipes! It's all part of the dinner party prep.
We recently went on a family road trip, and we all ended up flying together. Each sibling has their own form of poop Kryptonite, and the strategy for a no-poop flight was discussed, ad nauseum (literally) for the entire wait for the first flight, and during our 3 hour layover.
While traveling, I am a poop camel. I have such air travel control issues that I just won't go on a plane. Ever. I flew from West Palm Beach to Dulles then on to France once and I only peed in Washington. I refuse to drink anything but tiny, baby sips of water. I barely eat unless it's something that is carb-tastic with no dairy or soy. Coffee can happen first thing, but there has to be a buffer of at least an hour pre-flight so that can get taken care of before boarding.
After a week with my family followed by a series of flights, poop was still on my mind. I ended up bringing it up with my co-workers on my first day back. They looked at me first in terror and disgust, then started cracking up. We're all so much more comfortable around each other, and it was a real bonding moment. I actually came up for this idea after a spectacularly bad lunch decision.
Listen. Everybody poops is not just a children's book. It's also a common denominator for human kind. No matter the color of your skin, no matter your sexual orientation, no matter your eye color, hair color, language, style, political or religious viewpoint...everybody poops. You never know who you'll need to ask to spare a square. So love everyone or get poopy on your panties. OK?
That got weird.
Nervous poopers...allergy poopers...coffee poopers...IBS victims. That's us.
Road trips are planned according to clean pooping stops.
 |
| I would SOOOOO poop here. |
We recently went on a family road trip, and we all ended up flying together. Each sibling has their own form of poop Kryptonite, and the strategy for a no-poop flight was discussed, ad nauseum (literally) for the entire wait for the first flight, and during our 3 hour layover.
While traveling, I am a poop camel. I have such air travel control issues that I just won't go on a plane. Ever. I flew from West Palm Beach to Dulles then on to France once and I only peed in Washington. I refuse to drink anything but tiny, baby sips of water. I barely eat unless it's something that is carb-tastic with no dairy or soy. Coffee can happen first thing, but there has to be a buffer of at least an hour pre-flight so that can get taken care of before boarding.
After a week with my family followed by a series of flights, poop was still on my mind. I ended up bringing it up with my co-workers on my first day back. They looked at me first in terror and disgust, then started cracking up. We're all so much more comfortable around each other, and it was a real bonding moment. I actually came up for this idea after a spectacularly bad lunch decision.
Listen. Everybody poops is not just a children's book. It's also a common denominator for human kind. No matter the color of your skin, no matter your sexual orientation, no matter your eye color, hair color, language, style, political or religious viewpoint...everybody poops. You never know who you'll need to ask to spare a square. So love everyone or get poopy on your panties. OK?
That got weird.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Drunk Running
A lot of my blogs lately have been super serious. It's ok, right? We all go through serious times in our lives, and that's ok. I usually hide those trying times and dwell instead on the weird and funny. So, let's get back to that.
In an effort to train for a 5K, I decided to start a run/walk combo program called Couch25k. It's pretty awesome. Combining it with Weight Watchers, I have made the effort to get healthier for my 32nd year. I've signed up for two 5K's. One in October and one in November. Both will be fun times. If I don't die. Though having survived one day of training after a bottle of Malbec and half a pizza, I think I can do anything. They may frown on wine consumption at the Foster and Adoptive Parents Association 5K, but what they don't know won't hurt them, right? IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, HIC!
I really am taking this health stuff as seriously as I can. There are definitely days when I know for a fact that I will not be very successful in my training. My leg hurts. My nose is full of snot and I can barely breathe when walking let alone running. Allergies are super bad this time of year. My asthma kicks into high gear and I'm panting like Kevin after an especially trying wang snarfling. But I do it anyway. The diet is difficult, as my brain keeps telling me that half a bag of Smartfood popcorn is equivalent to a balanced meal. But I put the points in and register the fact that I'm over...under...above..beyond. I'm taking full responsibility for what I put in my body (not THAT, pervs.) I'm not fudging what I eat anymore. Mmm. Fudge.
Every time I go out I say to myself, "Just get to that tree." "Just run til you pass that light post." "Breathe into your diaphragm and out of your mouth....you've got this." Then I swallow a bug, or one flies up my nose, or I run into a spider web. And I laugh.
This past Saturday, I decided to run in the afternoon. I needed to get my 3rd day of week 3 out of the way. I was wearing a 3 quarter sleeve shirt, and it was freaking hot. I got back to my apartment, with my legs on fire and my lungs puffing, sweat dripping down my face. My roommate was sitting in the living room watching television, and I flopped onto the floor to recover. "Are you ok?" she asked, a concerned look on her face as I lay there with my arm flung across my head, panting and trying to recover my ability to breathe normally.
If I could have uttered anything, I would have told her that I was fine, wonderful, fantastic. Because I've finally discovered the me that wants to be an athlete. The me that is ignoring the gawky nerd that I have seen in the mirror since I was 8 years old. The new me, who wants to challenge her body to better her soul. The new me who got her bike fixed yesterday and felt like she was flying as she rode 3 miles around her neighborhood. The one who really needs a new seat for her bike now, as her ass hurts even when sitting on her comfy desk chair. And, who looks really, really stupid in her new helmet. What? I have a giant head.
In an effort to train for a 5K, I decided to start a run/walk combo program called Couch25k. It's pretty awesome. Combining it with Weight Watchers, I have made the effort to get healthier for my 32nd year. I've signed up for two 5K's. One in October and one in November. Both will be fun times. If I don't die. Though having survived one day of training after a bottle of Malbec and half a pizza, I think I can do anything. They may frown on wine consumption at the Foster and Adoptive Parents Association 5K, but what they don't know won't hurt them, right? IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, HIC!
I really am taking this health stuff as seriously as I can. There are definitely days when I know for a fact that I will not be very successful in my training. My leg hurts. My nose is full of snot and I can barely breathe when walking let alone running. Allergies are super bad this time of year. My asthma kicks into high gear and I'm panting like Kevin after an especially trying wang snarfling. But I do it anyway. The diet is difficult, as my brain keeps telling me that half a bag of Smartfood popcorn is equivalent to a balanced meal. But I put the points in and register the fact that I'm over...under...above..beyond. I'm taking full responsibility for what I put in my body (not THAT, pervs.) I'm not fudging what I eat anymore. Mmm. Fudge.
Every time I go out I say to myself, "Just get to that tree." "Just run til you pass that light post." "Breathe into your diaphragm and out of your mouth....you've got this." Then I swallow a bug, or one flies up my nose, or I run into a spider web. And I laugh.
This past Saturday, I decided to run in the afternoon. I needed to get my 3rd day of week 3 out of the way. I was wearing a 3 quarter sleeve shirt, and it was freaking hot. I got back to my apartment, with my legs on fire and my lungs puffing, sweat dripping down my face. My roommate was sitting in the living room watching television, and I flopped onto the floor to recover. "Are you ok?" she asked, a concerned look on her face as I lay there with my arm flung across my head, panting and trying to recover my ability to breathe normally.
If I could have uttered anything, I would have told her that I was fine, wonderful, fantastic. Because I've finally discovered the me that wants to be an athlete. The me that is ignoring the gawky nerd that I have seen in the mirror since I was 8 years old. The new me, who wants to challenge her body to better her soul. The new me who got her bike fixed yesterday and felt like she was flying as she rode 3 miles around her neighborhood. The one who really needs a new seat for her bike now, as her ass hurts even when sitting on her comfy desk chair. And, who looks really, really stupid in her new helmet. What? I have a giant head.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Memories
I updated my iTunes. It was very exciting.
Surprisingly, the update pulled some videos from the recesses of my 2008 Compaq from a trip to Arizona. I was there for my 10 year Up With People reunion and Grand Canyon tour with my very good friend from my Shadowbox days, LoJ Hunt. I pushed play on a video of the Canyon, reminiscing about our road trip and my first view of the giant hole in the ground. Sunset softened the pastel colors of the canyon, and I narrated in a slap happy voice the feelings that I was experiencing. Then I turned the camera on myself for a goofy moment to mark this epic occasion.
The me of today was shocked. Startled. Stunned. The girl in the video was thin. Super thin. Scary thin.
The me of today envied the me of 2009 in that she was in a size 4 pant. The me of today also ate pizza for dinner. The me of 2009 barely ate anything. She couldn't control anything in her life other than food. The me of 2009 ended up passing out in her apartment, being rescued by her parents, then went to fry pickles with her sister. And that was the turning point.
I never sought help for my anorexia. I just stopped starving myself. And over the past few years, I've gone the opposite way. Not denying myself anything food wise because I was scared of a relapse. Now I'm faced with another dilemma. I want to be healthier. I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I couldn't love myself then and I can't love myself now. I know I can be a better version of myself without the harmful brain patterns that lead me to drink coffee for breakfast. Eat a small salad for lunch. And completely ignore dinner. I AM healthy. My cholesterol is great. My blood pressure is fantastic. I may be clumsy, but that's a different story.
I didn't let my scale calibrate the other day and thought I had lost 13 pounds in 2 weeks. WHA? But no worries, friends. I didn't lose 13. I lost 4. And a good portion was period bloat. So I'm still on track and I'm still being healthy. I'm gonna keep those videos to show me what NOT to do to be fit.
Surprisingly, the update pulled some videos from the recesses of my 2008 Compaq from a trip to Arizona. I was there for my 10 year Up With People reunion and Grand Canyon tour with my very good friend from my Shadowbox days, LoJ Hunt. I pushed play on a video of the Canyon, reminiscing about our road trip and my first view of the giant hole in the ground. Sunset softened the pastel colors of the canyon, and I narrated in a slap happy voice the feelings that I was experiencing. Then I turned the camera on myself for a goofy moment to mark this epic occasion.
The me of today was shocked. Startled. Stunned. The girl in the video was thin. Super thin. Scary thin.
The me of today envied the me of 2009 in that she was in a size 4 pant. The me of today also ate pizza for dinner. The me of 2009 barely ate anything. She couldn't control anything in her life other than food. The me of 2009 ended up passing out in her apartment, being rescued by her parents, then went to fry pickles with her sister. And that was the turning point.
 |
| Skinny Spaz |
 |
| Plus size Pottinger |
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Not every day is a bad day in the Guarded Area.
Yesterday, I bought books. Tons and tons of books. Ok. Not tons. But I had a gift card and I spent it ALL! 8 wonderful books are heading my way via standard FREE SHIPPING. I feel like such a swanky swank. I will love them all the same. It's strange that it was the best feeling in the world to hit that confirm order button. It took me two whole weeks of looking through the Barnes and Noble website for titles, trying to get the most out of my money as well as the unofficial series I love in the correct reading order.
I'd contemplated buying a NOOK, as I'm old and most of my authors are not carried in stores. Then a friend posted about reading paper books until her dying day. And I read an excerpt from a book where the author railed against e-readers, stating that nothing beats the feel of paper under his fingers. Both these instances reinforced the fact that my love for the written word needs to remain secure in the paper book realm.
There's a joy in browsing shelves. After my web order, I realized that I had neglected to purchase a new release that I really, really, really wanted to read as soon as possible. I headed to my local Barnes and Noble, and let out a contented sigh as I entered, inhaling the aroma of books, nerds and coffee. I grab the last two copies of the book I came in for, then notice a 50% bin with a book by a long lost favorite author. $6.00. Then happened on a Jim Butcher book for 45% off. $8.00. HOW COULD I PASS THEM UP?!?! As the cashier totaled my purchase and placed in a bulging plastic bag, I was giddy. I couldn't wait to get these books home and READ THE CRAP OUT OF THEM.
Sometimes I feel that the simple joys in life are the only things that keep me from being a shut in. Which is odd, considering these books are going to make me a recluse for a bit. So. That's confusing. I have dinner plans tonight and tomorrow, and plans with myself for Friday, but Saturday and Sunday you'll probably find me in my room, curled up with a quilt, a dog named Kevin and a shit ton of books.
I'd contemplated buying a NOOK, as I'm old and most of my authors are not carried in stores. Then a friend posted about reading paper books until her dying day. And I read an excerpt from a book where the author railed against e-readers, stating that nothing beats the feel of paper under his fingers. Both these instances reinforced the fact that my love for the written word needs to remain secure in the paper book realm.
There's a joy in browsing shelves. After my web order, I realized that I had neglected to purchase a new release that I really, really, really wanted to read as soon as possible. I headed to my local Barnes and Noble, and let out a contented sigh as I entered, inhaling the aroma of books, nerds and coffee. I grab the last two copies of the book I came in for, then notice a 50% bin with a book by a long lost favorite author. $6.00. Then happened on a Jim Butcher book for 45% off. $8.00. HOW COULD I PASS THEM UP?!?! As the cashier totaled my purchase and placed in a bulging plastic bag, I was giddy. I couldn't wait to get these books home and READ THE CRAP OUT OF THEM.
Sometimes I feel that the simple joys in life are the only things that keep me from being a shut in. Which is odd, considering these books are going to make me a recluse for a bit. So. That's confusing. I have dinner plans tonight and tomorrow, and plans with myself for Friday, but Saturday and Sunday you'll probably find me in my room, curled up with a quilt, a dog named Kevin and a shit ton of books.
OH MY GOD! I GOT CONFIRMATION THAT IT SHIPPED! IT SHIPPED! YAY!
I just peed a little bit.
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