Poopers.

My family talks about poop a lot. We think about it a lot.  We are a family of poopers. There's discussions of diet. Consistency. Turns of phrase like "I just peed out of my butt" at the dinner table.  It's totally cool and totally acceptable and totally bizarre to be a part of if you are uninitiated to the ways of the Poop in a Jars (a childhood nickname.  Good one.)

Nervous poopers...allergy poopers...coffee poopers...IBS victims.  That's us.

Road trips are planned according to clean pooping stops.

I would SOOOOO poop here.

Meals are coordinated depending on the distance one has to drive afterwards. We comment on poop. If someone disappears after dinner at the parents house, we know exactly where they are heading. Typically, mom has a book or two in the bathroom along with lit scented candles.  Decorative paper towels and vanilla scented soap are always in stock.  Every now and then, there are wipes!  It's all part of the dinner party prep.

We recently went on a family road trip, and we all ended up flying together.  Each sibling has their own form of poop Kryptonite, and the strategy for a no-poop flight was discussed, ad nauseum (literally) for the entire wait for the first flight, and during our 3 hour layover.

While traveling, I am a poop camel.  I have such air travel control issues that I just won't go on a plane. Ever. I flew from West Palm Beach to Dulles then on to France once and I only peed in Washington.  I refuse to drink anything but tiny, baby sips of water. I barely eat unless it's something that is carb-tastic with no dairy or soy. Coffee can happen first thing, but there has to be a buffer of at least an hour pre-flight so that can get taken care of before boarding.

After a week with my family followed by a series of flights, poop was still on my mind.  I ended up bringing it up with my co-workers on my first day back. They looked at me first in terror and disgust, then started cracking up. We're all so much more comfortable around each other, and it was a real bonding moment.  I actually came up for this idea after a spectacularly bad lunch decision.

Listen. Everybody poops is not just a children's book.   It's also a common denominator for human kind. No matter the color of your skin, no matter your sexual orientation, no matter your eye color, hair color, language, style, political or religious viewpoint...everybody poops. You never know who you'll need to ask to spare a square. So love everyone or get poopy on your panties. OK?

That got weird.