Feeling poopy.

Don't worry.  This blog is not about poop. Not really.

I got super sick on Monday. I ate a crab cake at work, and immediately felt awful. Itchy.  Flushed. Ran back and forth to the bathroom for the remainder of the afternoon. Went home early cause I was feeling like fire was running through my body. Doc at Urgent Care said it was an allergic reaction to crab.  Next time could be anaphylactic shock. Cortisone shot in my ass for swelling. Suggestion of over the counter meds for tummy. Swing by Walgreens. Crackers. Coke. Cherry flavored Nausea Suppressant for food indiscretions. Really. It says so on the label.

I go home. I walk Kevin, in a daze. Make it short cause I can't make it more than around the block. I'm weak. Get in bed. Sleep. Sleep some more.  Poop. Poop some more. Eat a bunch of crackers. Eat more crackers. Get a text to call someone as soon as I can. Call.  Goes right to voicemail. Text an hour later saying I called but went right to voicemail. Get a text back, "At dinner." Wait for a call back.  Wait some more. Wait some more. Sleep. Poop. Throw up. Poop. Wait.

I got pissed. Pissed that this person would put an onus on me to call them, then completely blow me off. This person is poison to me. The few times I've been really angry lately have been when this person is involved. And I was done. Done being a doormat. Done being this person's go to everything, but never having that person be there for me.  Done trying to make this person happy while compromising myself and my mental/physical health.

I've had more than enough.  So, I'm done. I'm done with him.  Done with the business we created together. Done with feeling less than so he can feel more than. I'm walking away which is something I should have done months ago. People don't change.  Or won't change. And the only thing I can do is change how I interact with them.

I'm moving on. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who make you feel less than. I'm tired of it. I had a wonderful experience last week performing improv without the need to produce or direct it. And it was liberating. I realize now that I don't have to be in charge anymore. I can put my trust where it will be protected and earned. And I can do it, on my own.