Cranky pants

I've been bleeding for a few months.  Off and on. Even with pills and hormones and cycles.  Oh, my.

Yup. I went there.

I had an ultrasound for my naughty bits because they are apparently broken.  I scheduled a bunch of tests for this coming Monday.

I hate tests.

I hate doctors.

I hate the fact that I feel like less of a woman because of these issues. I started worrying that I'll never get to experience pregnancy. I started looking into artificial insemination. Reading blogs of women who have made the decision to have a child on their own. Too extreme?  Yes. But this is me we're talking about.

My friends are all super supportive.  My mom signed me up for Match.com.  Again.  She and I talk about the fact that all of this makes me feel less than.  She wants me to find someone that can be my go to in tough times and in good.  But how do I put myself out there when I feel like I'm broken?

I got super drunk this weekend. I chalked it up to being out of town with no need to drive myself, but that's not it.  I was trying to let off some steam and also just trying to not think about everything that has been going on recently. My clothes don't fit.  I'm losing weight. I'm not hungry. I'm just worried. All the time. Tired.  All the time.  And I hope that these procedures will make it all better. I have my doubts, as I'll still be bat shit once they're done.  But maybe I'll be less tired.  Maybe I'll have more energy.  An appetite. For more than just food.  For life.

Gah, that got depressing.  Here's a picture of a sloth on a stuffed animal to cheer you up.