Valentine's, Shmalentines.

You've gotta kiss a lot of these...

I hate Valentine's Day. And before you accuse me of being a bitter woman on the path to old maid/cat lady-dom, please allow me to explain.

I have never had a decent Valentine's Day. Ever. I am 29 years old, and the last time I received a Valentine's card from a gentleman I was interested in, I was 8. And they kinda had to give them to everyone in the class. I have always been a care-taking kind of gal, so I typically end up going overboard and having little to no reciprocation. Last year, I ordered expensive, hard to find coffee for my significant other. He gave me nothing, said nothing, and I basically ended my Valentine's Day crying. The times I can remember before that, I did my best to bend over backwards to be the hip girlfriend, going so far as to rent 3 martial arts films and pick up KFC because my boyfriend at the time really liked those two things. It's a holiday about expectations, and mine have never been fulfilled. And I've finally realized that it is my fault entirely.

From now on, I will have no expectations. From anyone, for anything. If an individual surprises me, then good. But I will not spend another year feeling badly about myself for a holiday that promotes over consumption of chocolate, Hallmark greeting cards with stupid poems, and flowers that will wilt in a day or two.

As a result of this new attitude, I have given up power in terms of my love life. I have obviously made poor choices up to this point, and don't know that I can handle any more. So, yesterday, I looked at my mom, who loves me unconditionally and is always looking out for my best interests, and I told her to take over my love life. Today she signed me up for Plentyoffish.com, and she is currently looking through the profiles of single men in order to find me that perfect match. She will be setting up dates, picking out outfits, and basically doing everything but going on the date itself (my dad might have a problem with that!)

As they say, mother knows best. We'll see if that idiom is true. And maybe next Valentine's Day, I'll be singing a different tune.

(PS. Thanks to Sam Waters for sending me a Valentine every year. You are a great friend!)