I was at the pharmacy yesterday morning, putzing around as I awaited a prescription written by my 24 year old, model like female doctor. I picked up TP (I was out) and new deodorant (thinking my old stuff was causing issues that the prescription was supposed to remedy.) As I was looking at the "As Seen on TV" section, I heard an elderly woman's screeching voice from over the rack of Hallmark cards on my right. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" she yelled in a harpy like fashion at her husband, limping towards her with his Hurrycane that he had probably purchased from the very section where I was browsing.
"What?" he asked, obviously cowed by the angry visage of the woman who was once the beautiful girl he danced with at a sock hop in high school or who he shared a milkshake with at a Walgreen's counter. We were at CVS. I don't think they had counters.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" she screamed again, ignoring social norms and an inside voice to prove that she was upset with the man and also to register through the hearing aids Mr. Harpy was sporting. "YOU KNEW I WANTED TO USE THOSE POINTS TO GET NEW SOAP!" she yelled, face burning. " I AM DONE WITH YOU! JUST DONE WITH YOU! YOU KNEW I WANTED TO GET THAT SOAP! WHAT DID YOU BUY? WHAT DID YOU BUY?!?!?!?!" The old man stuttered, "I got myself some shaving cream."
Harpy Lady stormed to the front of the store, repeating over and over how DONE she was with the man and the whole situation/marriage/store/soap deal. I was taken aback by not only her vehemence, but in her complete disdain of a man she had probably slept next to for a good portion of her adult life. And the only thought that popped into my head was, "THIS is why I don't want to get married."
A weird thought, for sure, but one that I have been turning over in my head again and again after the last several cluster f*ck relationships I've been in. I'm typically a monogamous person, in that I date someone for 1-2 years, even if they are complete toolboxes and I knew I should get out. I've had a dry spell lately, mostly cause the last few were such doozies that I needed time and space to not only heal but to stop hating myself due to their view of me or who I turned into while dating them.
I never want to be that woman. I would never want anyone I love to be that man. So, is it marriage that's the problem? Is it me and my fear of committing and then only realizing that it was a bad decision years and years later as I'm screaming at my significant other in a CVS about soap? Could be both. Could be that I haven't "met the right guy yet." But I've met all the wrong ones already, haven't I? So...who will know if there will ever be a right one, as I am the common denominator in these failed relationships? Will I some day snap over used CVS bucks because I finally realize that this person cares more about their morning shave than my needs? GAK.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Bucket List 2014
I recently had a birthday breakfast with a friend who decided to start striking things off of her bucket list as a result of turning another year older. She and I talked for hours, and she challenged me to create my own bucket list, a challenge she had to repeat after a previous conversation regarding said list showed no results. I'm not a fan of the bucket list. I pretty much try to live each day as if it was my last. Morbid, I know. Or realistic. Your choice.
Instead of a bucket list, every year I add to my Done It list. I've posted it here before. I don't like to feel like I'm bragging. But I'm bragging.
Done It List
I was born.
In three separate instances, broke my nose, arm and paper-cut my eyeball. Tore my rotator cuff. Had a benign tumor removed from my neck.
Have visited almost all 50 states. Still on the list-Wisconsin, Idaho, Hawaii and Alaska. Have traveled to Europe and British Columbia, Canada, visiting these European countries: Denmark, Germany, Belgium, Austria, The Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Czech Republic.
Seen and done these things: The Little Mermaid Statue, Berlin Wall, St. Charles Bridge, Bergen Belsen, Mozart's Birthplace, Anne Frank House, Praha Opera House (saw Rigoletto), British Columbian Rain Forests, Bungee Jumped over a river in Canada, flew a Cessna, White water rafted on 6 different rivers, hiked in 12 states and 3 countries, parasailed over Lake Tahoe, rollerbladed at a Vans Skate Park, went camping at the Red River Gorge, Rock Climbed in North Carolina, did a back country trip for 5 days in the woods, flew on a trapeze and performed a catch.
Performed in:
Deadlock (ha), Oklahoma!, Fools, Guys and Dolls, Steel Magnolias, Roads (175 shows), Baby with the Bathwater, Naomi in the Living Room, StoryBox, Standprov, Page to Stage, 3 years of Shadowbox Shows,
A Christmas Carol (2 years), Finalist in a Rock and Roll Karaoke Semi-finals at Roxy's 2 years in a row, Vanities, 3 years of Jove Shows, Beauty and the Beast, Really, Created a two person improv troupe called I'm with Stupid. Ended a two person improv troupe called I'm With Stupid. Karaoke finals at Fosters.
Performed in the Maltz Jupiter Theater's Talent competition, badly. Started my own Improv troupe, The Rejects. Ended my own Improv Troupe, The Rejects.
Performed with-Michael Winslow and Garrett Morris, met Bruce Campbell.
Was in a Duffy’s commercial
Did a crap job in a Labor Finders Training Video
Wrote a Comic book
Was on Burn Notice 3 times. NECK BOMB!
Went to San Diego ComicCon twice and plan on going again this year.
Was interviewed on a podcast.
Met Christopher Moore. Sent him my web comic. Met Jim Butcher.
Published a web comic. Spoke on a panel at a comic book convention.
Took 2 Stand up Classes. Performed my first routine. And performed at several open mics.
Wrote and Produced 4 shows on my own and donated over $3,000 to Gilda’s Club.
Visited New York City and touristed it up by myself.
Cruised twice to the Bahamas as an adult.
Rappelled off a building for charity. With a torn rotator cuff.
Went Sky Diving.
Wrote a parody song and performed it at my brother's wedding.
Went Hang Gliding.
Shaved my head for charity.
What's on your list?
Instead of a bucket list, every year I add to my Done It list. I've posted it here before. I don't like to feel like I'm bragging. But I'm bragging.
Done It List
I was born.
In three separate instances, broke my nose, arm and paper-cut my eyeball. Tore my rotator cuff. Had a benign tumor removed from my neck.
Have visited almost all 50 states. Still on the list-Wisconsin, Idaho, Hawaii and Alaska. Have traveled to Europe and British Columbia, Canada, visiting these European countries: Denmark, Germany, Belgium, Austria, The Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Czech Republic.
Seen and done these things: The Little Mermaid Statue, Berlin Wall, St. Charles Bridge, Bergen Belsen, Mozart's Birthplace, Anne Frank House, Praha Opera House (saw Rigoletto), British Columbian Rain Forests, Bungee Jumped over a river in Canada, flew a Cessna, White water rafted on 6 different rivers, hiked in 12 states and 3 countries, parasailed over Lake Tahoe, rollerbladed at a Vans Skate Park, went camping at the Red River Gorge, Rock Climbed in North Carolina, did a back country trip for 5 days in the woods, flew on a trapeze and performed a catch.
Performed in:
Deadlock (ha), Oklahoma!, Fools, Guys and Dolls, Steel Magnolias, Roads (175 shows), Baby with the Bathwater, Naomi in the Living Room, StoryBox, Standprov, Page to Stage, 3 years of Shadowbox Shows,
A Christmas Carol (2 years), Finalist in a Rock and Roll Karaoke Semi-finals at Roxy's 2 years in a row, Vanities, 3 years of Jove Shows, Beauty and the Beast, Really, Created a two person improv troupe called I'm with Stupid. Ended a two person improv troupe called I'm With Stupid. Karaoke finals at Fosters.
Performed in the Maltz Jupiter Theater's Talent competition, badly. Started my own Improv troupe, The Rejects. Ended my own Improv Troupe, The Rejects.
Performed with-Michael Winslow and Garrett Morris, met Bruce Campbell.
Was in a Duffy’s commercial
Did a crap job in a Labor Finders Training Video
Wrote a Comic book
Was on Burn Notice 3 times. NECK BOMB!
Went to San Diego ComicCon twice and plan on going again this year.
Was interviewed on a podcast.
Met Christopher Moore. Sent him my web comic. Met Jim Butcher.
Published a web comic. Spoke on a panel at a comic book convention.
Took 2 Stand up Classes. Performed my first routine. And performed at several open mics.
Wrote and Produced 4 shows on my own and donated over $3,000 to Gilda’s Club.
Visited New York City and touristed it up by myself.
Cruised twice to the Bahamas as an adult.
Rappelled off a building for charity. With a torn rotator cuff.
Went Sky Diving.
Wrote a parody song and performed it at my brother's wedding.
Went Hang Gliding.
Shaved my head for charity.
Bold are things I've done since my last Bucket List post.
What's on your list?
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
St. Baldrick's and my bald head
It's been a long 5 months of anticipation. I decided, on a whim to raise money for St. Baldrick's by shaving my head. I set the date for St. Patrick's Day, compromising my parents 35 year anniversary. I facebooked. I tweeted. I bombarded. And I had no idea the support that was going to come my way.
Thanksgiving happened, and I had learned that a friend of mine from my Up With People days had a daughter who was fighting cancer. I had already signed up for a fundraiser for Gilda's Club, a charity I have supported for the past few years with shows and jumping off a building. I was set to jump off the building again, but my mind kept drifting to this little girl, with her Iron Man masks and huge smile. I wanted to do something different. Something to help kids like her.
So, I signed up for St. Baldrick's at midnight after a long day. It was an impulse decision, so I immediately put it out there so I couldn't second guess myself.
It was a slow start. I didn't want to be too pushy. Then I realized I should be pushy. And my $1,000 goal became $2,000. Then $2,500. Then $3,000. Then $4,000. And people kept donating. And supporting. And messaging me. About their own experiences with family in treatment. With loss of loved ones. And each story made me more determined.
The day finally came. I was good. Fine. Until about noon. Then my stomach dropped. I felt the way I felt before jumping out of a plane. Nerves kicked in. I couldn't breathe.
My co-workers, my mother, and my grandmother talked me down. Grandma flew down from Columbus to cut off my pony tail. Then we decided to raffle off opportunities to slice one of 6 tails, thus making more money for the charity and involving everyone in the event. Grandma got to cut the last one. My brother's best friend from high school, Brian, who I've known since I was 14 was the first to be picked. Then my friend Steve. Then Jason Burgoon, a friend and the husband of Jessica, my sister's best friend, who got to chop off the next tail. Finally, I picked my sister's boyfriend, Nick, who a)is awesome and b)I have a jokey love/hate relationship with (I nicknamed him Doodle after our first meeting). Grandma cut the last one, gave me a kiss, and then Jen Cross-Van Portfleet (Jess's sister) of Aspen Falls Aveda Salon and Spa did the rest.
As I'm typing, we have raised $5,025 towards childhood cancer research. THAT IS FREAKING AWESOME AND I HAVE YOU TO THANK! All of my friends and family have been so wonderful and supportive of not only my fundraising efforts, but of my bald head and me in general. It's been an incredibly humbling experience, and I am so glad that you all were on this journey with me.
Thanksgiving happened, and I had learned that a friend of mine from my Up With People days had a daughter who was fighting cancer. I had already signed up for a fundraiser for Gilda's Club, a charity I have supported for the past few years with shows and jumping off a building. I was set to jump off the building again, but my mind kept drifting to this little girl, with her Iron Man masks and huge smile. I wanted to do something different. Something to help kids like her.
So, I signed up for St. Baldrick's at midnight after a long day. It was an impulse decision, so I immediately put it out there so I couldn't second guess myself.
It was a slow start. I didn't want to be too pushy. Then I realized I should be pushy. And my $1,000 goal became $2,000. Then $2,500. Then $3,000. Then $4,000. And people kept donating. And supporting. And messaging me. About their own experiences with family in treatment. With loss of loved ones. And each story made me more determined.
The day finally came. I was good. Fine. Until about noon. Then my stomach dropped. I felt the way I felt before jumping out of a plane. Nerves kicked in. I couldn't breathe.
My co-workers, my mother, and my grandmother talked me down. Grandma flew down from Columbus to cut off my pony tail. Then we decided to raffle off opportunities to slice one of 6 tails, thus making more money for the charity and involving everyone in the event. Grandma got to cut the last one. My brother's best friend from high school, Brian, who I've known since I was 14 was the first to be picked. Then my friend Steve. Then Jason Burgoon, a friend and the husband of Jessica, my sister's best friend, who got to chop off the next tail. Finally, I picked my sister's boyfriend, Nick, who a)is awesome and b)I have a jokey love/hate relationship with (I nicknamed him Doodle after our first meeting). Grandma cut the last one, gave me a kiss, and then Jen Cross-Van Portfleet (Jess's sister) of Aspen Falls Aveda Salon and Spa did the rest.
As I'm typing, we have raised $5,025 towards childhood cancer research. THAT IS FREAKING AWESOME AND I HAVE YOU TO THANK! All of my friends and family have been so wonderful and supportive of not only my fundraising efforts, but of my bald head and me in general. It's been an incredibly humbling experience, and I am so glad that you all were on this journey with me.
Thank you to a long list of donors, supporters, cheerleaders, and friends. You guys are the bees!
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| Wig #1 |
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Bah
You know how much it sucks to be the only one of your friends who ever takes the initiative to reach out and plan something? Or even the only one who checks in with other people?
It sucks.
A lot.
And it's lonely when you decide that it's just too much work to try and make people want to hang out with you.
Friends are stupid.
It sucks.
A lot.
And it's lonely when you decide that it's just too much work to try and make people want to hang out with you.
Friends are stupid.
Monday, December 30, 2013
New Year's Resolutions
1) Travel More.
2) Sell kidney so able to travel more.
3) Move. Anywhere. Now? End of lease? CHANGE IS GOOD.
4) Maybe stay here. It's safe and I have friends.
5) Stop being wishy washy about resolutions.
6) Go on one date.
7) Try not to judge date too harshly.
8) Eat cookies and drink wine when date is as bad as I assumed it would be.
9) Repeat 6-8. Probably a lot. Until I swear off dating again.
10) Positivity!
2) Sell kidney so able to travel more.
3) Move. Anywhere. Now? End of lease? CHANGE IS GOOD.
4) Maybe stay here. It's safe and I have friends.
5) Stop being wishy washy about resolutions.
6) Go on one date.
7) Try not to judge date too harshly.
8) Eat cookies and drink wine when date is as bad as I assumed it would be.
9) Repeat 6-8. Probably a lot. Until I swear off dating again.
10) Positivity!
Should old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne, for auld lang syne
Eff that. And Eff Auld Lang Syne.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Humbug
I love the holidays. Love them. As soon as the holiday season starts, I'm hooked. I decorate. I plot Christmas gifts. I watch Hallmark and Lifetime holiday films ad nauseum. And I cry. A lot.
It doesn't take much. A sad moment on a cheesy Joey Lawrence film that starts the sniffles. A Christmas card. A photo of kids seeing Santa. Kevin looking cute in his new candy cane bandana.
Nothing feels lonelier than the holidays. I get to spend time with my family and friends, but there's just something missing. Some joy that I'm not able to access. I find joy in the little moments, but as soon as they pass the shadow appears to eclipse the joy. Where's the hope, the peace and the joy when I'm back home with my Charlie Brown tree and my television screen?
I'm trying this year. Trying not to feel lost and forgotten in the hubbub. But it's very, very hard. I don't really have anything right now. No improv. No singing. No nothing. Maybe that's why I'm doing St. Baldrick's. To be a part of something. To do something. Anything.
My friends are all just...gone. I'll get a call if they need something. And part of me knows it's probably time to move on. New friends, new place to live. I give it another year before I'm ready. Also, I have a lease.
There's a next thing out there. A solution. I want to do more than this wallowing. I want to stop feeling like I don't matter. I WANT TO STOP CRYING AT THE DROP OF A SANTA HAT. I'm crying right now.
This may just be the two Cheryl's cookies talking. I'm gonna go for a bike ride or something. Anything.
It doesn't take much. A sad moment on a cheesy Joey Lawrence film that starts the sniffles. A Christmas card. A photo of kids seeing Santa. Kevin looking cute in his new candy cane bandana.
Nothing feels lonelier than the holidays. I get to spend time with my family and friends, but there's just something missing. Some joy that I'm not able to access. I find joy in the little moments, but as soon as they pass the shadow appears to eclipse the joy. Where's the hope, the peace and the joy when I'm back home with my Charlie Brown tree and my television screen?
I'm trying this year. Trying not to feel lost and forgotten in the hubbub. But it's very, very hard. I don't really have anything right now. No improv. No singing. No nothing. Maybe that's why I'm doing St. Baldrick's. To be a part of something. To do something. Anything.
My friends are all just...gone. I'll get a call if they need something. And part of me knows it's probably time to move on. New friends, new place to live. I give it another year before I'm ready. Also, I have a lease.
There's a next thing out there. A solution. I want to do more than this wallowing. I want to stop feeling like I don't matter. I WANT TO STOP CRYING AT THE DROP OF A SANTA HAT. I'm crying right now.
This may just be the two Cheryl's cookies talking. I'm gonna go for a bike ride or something. Anything.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
"You're not REALLY shaving your head, right?"
Yes. Yes, I am.
I've been known to do some weird things in my life. Maybe because I went to Europe when I was 18. Maybe cause I've always tried to get past fear, depression, or anxiety. That all changed when I read a post on my Up With People cast page. A Canadian friend posted that she's heard through the grapevine that another cast mate had found out very suddenly that her five year old daughter had a brain tumor. It's hard to stay in touch with 170 of your closest friends from one of the most amazing years of your life, but I started paying attention. I watched every day for updates, and saw pictures of a beautiful, smiling little girl who was going through such a difficult time with such grace. I cried tears of joy on the day she finished treatment.
And I started thinking.
What can I do? What can I ever do to help someone so far away?
I do weird things for charity. I created my own comedy show to benefit a cancer charity in Ft. Lauderdale. I jumped off a building for the same charity. I had a member of the country club I work for come in and talk about an awesome event he participated in with the fire station where he worked. The firemen shaved their heads. For kids. With cancer.
Sunday night I was sitting on my couch, pondering a next adventure. Would I jump off the building again? Would I plan another event? What could I do?
I made a quick decision and signed up before I could doubt myself. I secretly have always wanted to experience the freedom of a shaved head. I kept eyes peeled in college for productions of Wit, as I love the show and thought I could be as badass as Emma Thompson with no hair. I registered. I posted on facebook. Added it to my website. And now, I'm blogging about it.
St. Baldricks donates 80% of all moneys raised to juvenile cancer research. 80%. Over 33 million dollars was donated last year alone. It is an amazing organization, and it deserves my support. And my bald head.
I'm nervous, but the support so far has been overwhelming. Yes, I am scared. Yes, I'm nervous of how my bald head will look. I'm vain enough to worry that I will look like a bald chipmunk with giant, Disney-esque eyeballs and cheeks. But I know that it will be so worth it when I hold up a sign saying hello to Alex as I video my hair falling from my head to the whirring of an electric razor.
I've been known to do some weird things in my life. Maybe because I went to Europe when I was 18. Maybe cause I've always tried to get past fear, depression, or anxiety. That all changed when I read a post on my Up With People cast page. A Canadian friend posted that she's heard through the grapevine that another cast mate had found out very suddenly that her five year old daughter had a brain tumor. It's hard to stay in touch with 170 of your closest friends from one of the most amazing years of your life, but I started paying attention. I watched every day for updates, and saw pictures of a beautiful, smiling little girl who was going through such a difficult time with such grace. I cried tears of joy on the day she finished treatment.
And I started thinking.
What can I do? What can I ever do to help someone so far away?
I do weird things for charity. I created my own comedy show to benefit a cancer charity in Ft. Lauderdale. I jumped off a building for the same charity. I had a member of the country club I work for come in and talk about an awesome event he participated in with the fire station where he worked. The firemen shaved their heads. For kids. With cancer.
Sunday night I was sitting on my couch, pondering a next adventure. Would I jump off the building again? Would I plan another event? What could I do?
I made a quick decision and signed up before I could doubt myself. I secretly have always wanted to experience the freedom of a shaved head. I kept eyes peeled in college for productions of Wit, as I love the show and thought I could be as badass as Emma Thompson with no hair. I registered. I posted on facebook. Added it to my website. And now, I'm blogging about it.
St. Baldricks donates 80% of all moneys raised to juvenile cancer research. 80%. Over 33 million dollars was donated last year alone. It is an amazing organization, and it deserves my support. And my bald head.
I'm nervous, but the support so far has been overwhelming. Yes, I am scared. Yes, I'm nervous of how my bald head will look. I'm vain enough to worry that I will look like a bald chipmunk with giant, Disney-esque eyeballs and cheeks. But I know that it will be so worth it when I hold up a sign saying hello to Alex as I video my hair falling from my head to the whirring of an electric razor.
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