Perspective.

I've been sleeping a lot lately. LIKE a lot. All day Sunday. Monday night. Tuesday night. I slept through the alarm I set to get going for rehearsal.  Woke up right when rehearsal was about to start. 45 minutes away. It was too overwhelming to figure out.  I had a long discussion with my mom about how depressed I feel. FOR NO REASON.

Today, my friend Aniela starts chemo. I just chatted with a member of the club who is battling lung cancer. A friend of mine just had to put her dog down. 132 children were killed in Pakistan.

I know I have it good.  I realize this.  My body does not.  My brain chemistry does not.

Depression is a lie.  But it's a damn convincing lie.

I have had a few "snap out of it" comments from people. A "go run on the treadmill to get your endorphin's up" from mom. My friend that I blew off last night told me he understands.

THIS HAPPENS. EVEN ON BRAIN DRUGS, IT HAPPENS.

Every year, the season starts and I want to hibernate.  Work gets crazy.  A lot of energy gets expended in events, negative members, balancing co-workers and membership drives. I leave the couch to walk Kevin.  Get a popsicle. Go back to the couch.  It's tough. I get that it's not just tough on me. I'm not crying all the time (just once on Monday night, but it was for a really good reason).

I'm not wanting to hurt myself.

I'm just tired.

This?

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/anne-theriault-/living-with-depression_b_3726949.html

I have yet to read an article about depression that more accurately depicted the way I feel right now.

Wil Wheaton said that once he got on meds, the noise in his brain finally dulled to a ringing in the ears. That happened to me when I started the brain drugs. I went off the brain drugs for a few days, and now my brain just needs to catch back up. I need to deal with the health stuff going on in my life. (Surprise!  I'm anemic and have a temporarily broken uterus! Yay!) Realize that my friends love me. My family loves me.  I should love me.

To cope with this current bout, I'm going to be silly.  Post silly shit. Find videos that make me giggle and images that make me guffaw.  I'm gonna be a manic pixie girl. And get my femullet trimmed. That might be step one.