Maladies and Honesty.

I haven't been feeling well lately.  And by lately I mean since November. I started having stabbing pains in my legs after Thanksgiving when I went to Universal to meet my cousin and his girlfriend (then fiancee, then wife. All on the same day.)  It didn't hinder the trip, but I had one of those weird heating pad stickers on it the whole time. Since then I have been having more and more leg pain, progressing from dull aches to sharp, guitar string plucking style pains all day long. My restless leg has gotten worse.  Muscle spasms have been occurring in both legs as well as my left pinky and right hand.  My left arm randomly goes numb.  My veins are visible on 90% of my body, and the areas where they are visible are sore to the touch.  I've had major dizzy spells. I am exhausted all the time. I've been randomly throwing up.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. According to my doctor.

She ran a battery of tests before I left for my mission trip (a mission trip where I wanted to cut off my own leg after 5 days of lawn work). Blood work shows I am 100% healthy. Like, the healthiest of healthy.

Thinking it might be side effects of birth control, she told me to go off of it.  I discussed with her the fact that I am on birth control for PMDD issues, and that I guess I'd rather be in pain than yelling at people while sobbing hysterically and making bad life decisions.  She left the room to look into other forms of BC with different estrogen levels, and then came back with a light in her eye and a spring in her step.

"What if we put you on anti-depressants for the PMDD?" she asked, oh so casually.  As if the idea of being on mind altering drugs was going to solve all of my problems.  As if I would be excited about the idea of an anti-depressant.

I've been here before. A previous doc put me on brain drugs for the week before my period to help with the PMDD symptoms.  I mentioned this to new doc. She replied, "No, you'll be on it all the time. Every day."

I'm torn, here. What if the drugs mess with my creativity?  Am I going to turn into some sort of improv zombie?  Will I still be able to cry on cue? Or will my tear ducts dry up as my ups and downs even out? AND WHAT DO BRAIN DRUGS HAVE TO DO WITH LEG PAIN AND DIZZINESS?

Oh, did I have leg pain? She didn't remember me mentioning that. Even though that is specifically why I went to see her in the first place.

I kinda hate doctors right now.  But I also feel helpless.  I feel like I need a second opinion. But where do I go? What do I do?

I'll take some of the brain drugs and see if it helps me find clarity.  OOOOOOO...........shiny.