Everybody Hates Singles

I love being single. In a squirrely, never want to leave the house kinda way. I enjoy my own company and I am unashamed of that fact.  But our society has been giving me more and more signals that single is not the way to go.

One bedroom apartments in safe neighborhoods are 15 gazillion bazillion dollars.  One bedroom apartments in crappy, scary areas with chalk outlines of bodies are in an affordable range.  It's cool.  I'll sell some eggs or a kidney for that 800 sq. of safety and comfort.

Plus One on a Wedding Website RSVP-Won't go through unless the second email for Guest is filled in. Umm. Thanks for your generosity, but I don't have a plus one. So, I put myself as my date. Suck it, happy couples who are getting married and love each other.  I'm having chicken AND steak.

Single Serving Frozen veggies-Broccoli and cheese is mostly stalks. WHY DO COUPLES/FAMILIES GET ALL THE FLORETS?  GREEN GIANT, YOU BIASED BASTARD(S)!

There are two Twix and 4 Kit Kat. I have no one to share with, so end up feeling like a glutton when I scarf that stuff.  I CAN'T JUST PUT THEM BACK IN THE PACKAGE AND I CAN'T THROW THEM AWAY. That would be wasteful.

SleepNumber Commercials. Why's it gotta be all about couples?  Maybe some days I like the left side to be super hard and the right side to be super soft.  That way, when I roll from one side of the bed to the other (WHICH I CAN DO AS I HAVE THE WHOLE BED TO MYSELF AND DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING KICKED, SMACKED, OR SNORED AT), I can enjoy a different sleep experience. Also, maybe Kev might like a soft side. Pets are people, too.

Publix key lime full pies are too big.  Half pies are too big. But not if you eat them over 3 days.  Right?

I'm gonna drink the other half of this bottle of wine cause I don't have to spend as much money on alcohol cause I only have one or two glasses at a sitting. HEY! Being single is great!!

YAY!