Assertiveness rears its awesome head.

Lately, I've been overwhelmed by stress due to a day job that I'm not sure has ever completely fit me. Acquiring two new job titles with no more money has added to that stress. I've lived at home for almost a year and a half, and I have no vision of where I want to go or what I want to do. And I used to just do whatever anyone needed me to do, without question or protest, regardless of how swamped I was. In my personal life, I tried to make everyone happy, and ended up pretty much a drained husk of a person in my down time.

But yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I felt confident. Cool. Collected. And during a mostly male dominated stand up class, I was attempting to make a point about my routine when another comic interrupted me with his own opinion. Any other day, I would cede to that person and let them speak over me, and try to move back to my own point at a later juncture. But on this day, I was not having it. "Wait a second, let me tell you WHY I chose to do it that way instead of the way you're about to tell me to do it," I said, somewhat taken aback by the words that were coming out of my mouth and the vehemence that backed them. The funny boys surrounding me all lapsed into silence and stared, some with respect in their eyes, most with "What a bitch" written on their faces. Afterward, one of my pals in the class told me it was his favorite part of the whole class.

I don't want to be a bitch. I don't want to be a doormat either. I've spent a good portion of my adult life as just that. I'm gonna try to find the middle ground, and do for me what I should have done years ago-make sure that while I try to care for people I love, that I ensure that I am cared for as well. I will assert myself, more than I have in the past. And I will singe the eyebrows off of the next guy who tries to tell me what to do, who to be, or where I should direct myself in my life.

Maybe my time alone in New York helped me to realize that I am a strong, independent woman who can handle anything on her own. Maybe delving into the super masculine world of stand-up has finally allowed me to reach a new confidence level. Maybe adding responsibilities at work have created a new, super Lauren that will be able to conquer life with more vim and vigor.

And maybe I'm just a bitch. And maybe I'm ok with that.