Everybody hurts...

After my show on Saturday, I was sore for 4 days.  I had dark, black bruises on both knees, and a skinned left foot from getting too into the moment and not protecting my body from prat falls. I'm used to this. I put everything I have into these shows, as I know that in the end it's my baby, and I'll be responsible should the show fail to entertain.   I was joking about this with a friend of mine, and she said something that made me stop and think about myself and who I am (which is never something I want to do.)

That's just gross.

She said, "I worry about you. You're too willing to hurt yourself...not just for comedy...for men, for friends, for strangers...you put your well-being and happiness second to too many things."

Mind officially blown.  I had never thought about that.  And yet, with that short facebook statement (yes, we were on facebook and having this in-depth conversation) she opened my eyes to what really makes me tick.  I've been through some weird times and done things I probably shouldn't have for the benefit of other people or to prove something about myself that didn't need to be proven.  And that needs to stop.

The last few days I've worn my war wounds with pride and shown them off to anyone who has asked me how the show went. "Look," I'm saying. "Look at how COMMITTED I am.  I'm so crazy when I get on stage I can barely walk. Funny, right?"

I guess not. There's something in what my friend said.  Maybe I am too willing to extend myself.  Maybe I do need to protect myself more, and value an unskinned knee and the ability to wear skirts over showing everyone that I am willing to do anything to make people laugh.  And maybe that will happen.

Or maybe I'm gonna face plant to make a drunken bachelorette party giggle.  We'll see how Saturday goes.