Thursday, November 20, 2014

Update on lady parts.

I have a fibroid.

It's the size of a pencil eraser that has been used until it's 7mm.

So...it's 7mm. By 8mm.

See that second pearl?  The second one from the penny? That's it.
Imagine that pearl attached to my uterus.
Or don't cause that's weird.

They did a biopsy last Monday.  It hurt like nothing has ever hurt in my life, and I've broken limbs and had a paper cut on my eyeball. The doc asked how I was doing as she stuck a camera up there.
"As good as someone can be with a camera up her hootinanny." I'm a classy chick. 

They always say, "This is gonna pinch."  Or "this is gonna cramp." 

No. It doesn't pinch and it doesn't cramp.  It fucking hurts.  Gynecological science has not gotten past the Dark Ages. It's awful and intimate and made me cry a little.

They are taking that sucker out on December 3rd.  Thank goodness. The Crimson Tide will finally go away. I'll feel better.  And I can finally stop worrying.   Mom is coming to stay at my apartment the night before so she can drive me.  Dad is taking care of Kevin so I don't have to walk up and down stairs. They are great.  It's going to be fine.

EXCEPT WHAT IF IT'S CANCER?  WHY HAVEN'T THEY CALLED WITH BIOPSY RESULTS?  WHY AM I HAVING BLOODWORK THIS MONDAY THAT CHECKS IF I HAVE CANCER? WHY DOES MY CHART SAY I HAVE HAD PRE CANCEROUS CELLS IN MY LAST TWO COLPOSCOPIES?  WHY DO I KEEP LOGGING IN TO MY CHART TO SEE IF I HAVE CANCER? 

WHY CAN'T THEY JUST CALL AND SAY IT'S NOT CANCER?

HOW MANY TIMES CAN I TYPE CANCER?

I think I need a Valium.



CANCER.





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