Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Hypochondria and A*&holes

I'll admit it.  I can be dramatic at times when it comes to my health. I overreact and rely on WebMD to try to figure out if what's happening is going to a)kill me b)lame me or c) lame me then kill me.  Recently, I've been dealing with this shoulder debacle. And by dealing, I mean doing everything I can to heal faster, know more, be stronger and it's not working.

Yesterday, I went to my orthopedist and he reacted strangely to my MRI.  My supraspinatus was solid white with inflammation, and the surrounding muscles were the normal dark grey that usually shows up on the MRI. There was a also a tiny tear in my rotator cuff.  'OK, Lauren.  You're just being sensitive.  That low whistle and shuffling of papers didn't mean anything,' I said to myself.  Then the dude told me that I might have a degenerative muscular thingy, spouted off a name so quickly I can barely remember anything about it but that it might have started with M,  then told me he wanted to try steroid therapy to get the swelling down. Great. Let's do that.  They called a script in. As I was checking out, I heard the doctor in the hallway chatting with another doc about me.   Comforting.

I started the Prednisone this morning and followed instructions to a T. I had no plans after work, so settled in to some time on the couch and catching up with Doctor Who. As I was laying there, my hands started to tingle. Then turned numb. They're still numb as I type.  I didn't freak out. My roommate suggested it was the way I was laying, so I adjusted that.  Still tingling. Worse, actually. So, I looked up side effects to Prednisone.

"Contact your doctor immediately if you experience these side effects: Shortness of breath.  Pain in calf. Tingling or numbness in hands and arms."

I asked the roomie what she thought I should do and decided to call the ER where I originally went for my injury. A nurse got on the "help" line and I told her what was going on after she got out the obligatory, "What's your information so we can bombard you with mailings and emails and prove we're helping people" deal.

Here's the rant part of this blog.

"Did you lay on your arms or hands while you were resting?"

Excuse me? I'm sorry, but I believe I have been speaking pretty intelligently with you up until this extremely asinine question.  NO, I wasn't freaking laying on my hands or arms. They've been numb for over an hour, jerk face. AND NO, I wasn't putting pressure on my elbows or wrists either.  Thank you for absolutely nothing.  Now, instead of just numb hands, I am also irate.  And thank you, very much, for the comforting "You should call your pharmacist cause I have absolutely no idea.  Do you want to receive mailings from us?"

The pharmacist was equally irksome. "Were you laying on your hands or arms?"  NO, you FUCKING ASSHOLE. I understand you get calls from morons all the time. I get it.  You're jaded. But I can't feel my hands and you're making me want to numbly punch a hole in something.  Her final answer: "You should call your doctor in the morning."

Thank you. I will certainly do that.  If I can feel my hands enough to dial the fucking phone.

Rant over.

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