Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Guilty feelings.

A friend of mine sent me a message for an audition for a show about an hour away last night. I agreed, thinking that as a performer I should never turn down an opportunity to showcase my talents and to make new connections. I was excited about the was a musical comedy, two things I love separately, combined. Great. So, I sit at my desk for the 8 hour day at the country club and contemplate the exact way the evening should go. The audition is at 7, I get out of work at 5, the dog is out of food, I have to get some for his dinner, I have to shower, change, figure out what I'm going to sing, find my character shoes, get in my car, drive 45 miles, get that amount on my already over driven leased Mini Cooper, audition, then come home and figure out what I will do if I get the part.

So, I bailed. I put on my pajamas, ate some re-heated chicken marsala (from my cooking experiment two nights before) and watched a movie with my sister. And I felt guilty. The whole time. I was laughing, goofing around, and watching Glee, but inside I had some major guilt for not going. I started feeling sick at around 7pm, knowing somehow that I had made the wrong decision and that this show could have been the thing to rebuild my faith in myself as a performer.

My sister, who, at 27, is one of the least bothered people on the planet, knows me well. She looked over at me, curled in the recliner, the quilt she had made me surrounding me like a shroud, and said, "Get over it."

That's it. "Get over it." Such a short phrase for a philosophy that I have never, ever grasped. I hold onto things as if they were changeable. "If only I had just..." "If this had happened differently, I'd..." At that moment I realized that the best decision I was going to make that night was to actually listen to my bratty sister, and "Get over it." Maybe, if we all "got over it" this world would be a better place.

But maybe I'll just see if they cast anyone. :)

1 comment:

  1. "Get over it." Three simple words and a key phrase for all of us to learn! So easy to say, so hard to do, but such a relief when you can!
    Great blog!